… and how to be smart about it if you decide to do them as an adult.
I’m totally new at this and I’m not going to try to be something I’m not. Instead I’m going to put myself out there and hope to inspire you to do amazing things for yourself. Although I’ve always tried to put myself out there I’ve also always held back.. and only those closest to me know why.
I have struggled with merely liking myself my entire life — it is my problem and my vice. I know that it’s important for me to get this under control, to find love for myself in order to improve my quality of life, succeed at the goals I work towards and continue to be inspired — but how?
Well it IS hard, but once you begin on the road to self-love you will notice your life and appreciation for life looking brighter and brighter. You get what you put out in a sense, so start focusing on positive things and treating others as you would like to be treated. You’ll see a change. It’s always hard at first — anxiety, change, fear — it’s scary. You’ll begin to notice that when you force yourself to do the things you used avoid they become easier to do.
In my quest for self-improvement I have come across the most wonderful, inspirational girl, website and podcast. Her name is Gala Darling and she has a blog devoted to crowning your beautiful life and an amazing self-improvement podcast.
“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you are alone with.”
– Wayne Dyer
Does comparing yourself to others create negative feelings which cause you to feel bad about yourself? This happens to everyone, everyone is improving themselves in someway. Comparison is the all purpose killer, everyone is absolutely different in every way and has their own story, life, dna, experiences, etc. This is your only life, make it worth your while and don’t let others, who may not even really know you, define you.
You have to reprogram your thinking and start to take notice of the things you enjoy about yourself and about life. Sure everyone has something about them that may cause you to clash with others, but what things attract others to you? What things are important to the person that you are? If you feel you are working towards bettering yourself and achieving your goals you will feel more satisfied and confident.
Remember you cannot change the way that people treat you, if they like you or even if they want to give you the time of day. You have to show them why they should give you the time of day and if they respond negatively, change the way you react to it. You cannot change anyone or make everyone like you so someday you’re going to have to reprogram the way criticism makes you feel.
Making a Change
Don’t worry. Worrying changes nothing.
Make a list of and focus on your good qualities and attributes; don’t focus on negative ones.
Be kind to others, see yourself in them.
Find your passion and set achievable goals daily.
Choose a role model; their good qualities can inspire you to be a better person.
Accept compliments.
Know that you are a valuable person. Your time is valuable.
Take care of yourself.
Celebrate your differences.
Smile.
Make eye contact with others when interacting.
Act confident even if you aren’t, if you don’t feel it now you’ll start to.
Consider adopting a cat for responsibility, a routine, comfort and unconditional love.
Take action.
“Many people appreciate the power of positive thinking. But we believe that positive thinking alone is of limited value. Simply repeating positive affirmations such as “I am a wonderful person with much to offer the world” will NOT change your life unless you actively DO something to reinforce that you ARE a wonderful person with much to offer the world!” , Self-Esteem for Women.
“I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.”
– Lucille Ball
.. and remember, if we’re new at this we need to take it one day at a time.
“Keep looking at the bright-side and someday you’ll see yourself there.”
– Benjamin Amick aka Mistereducated
Resources
Finding a handful of friends is, in many cases, no easy task; especially given the cultural fad of vapid, disposable, let’s-do-lunch, I-love-you-after-five-minutes, overweening, entitled, texting, emotionally handicapped, walking wounded human beings most of us act like. And that’s before you even get to hello. Finding your peeps, as they say, isn’t as easy as it seems but, like all good things, is definitely worth the work!
My mother told me I was lucky if I could count all my real friends on one hand!
Must have been fifteen or so years ago now, when it occurred to me after a string of disappointing intimate relationships that maybe she was right—again. That it might be wise to invest more time in creating some deep and lasting friendships, as they theoretically seemed to have greater staying power and could be in many ways equally fulfilling, perhaps in some ways even more.
I must add that, up until that that point, my history with friendships was rather sketchy and my role models even more so. My mother barely trusted women (her best friend slept with my dad) and my father, well, made a lot of offers people couldn’t refuse. Childhood aside, the relationship skills I had gathered afforded me as many pleasant and happy memories as traumatic or forgettable ones. Over the years, many of the friendships had been more fragile than I liked, and oftentimes out of balance one way or the other. Either I was too needy or too unavailable, or our lifestyles were not totally compatible—being a single mom certainly didn’t help. Yet, the ones I did maintain (for whatever length of time) offered a mutual comfort that, when absent, left me yearning for that very specific kind of connection that only a platonic camaraderie offers—one that, no matter how compatible, a sexual relationship does not.
Finding this handful of friends is, in many cases, no easy task; especially given the cultural fad of vapid, disposable, let’s-do-lunch, I-love-you-after-five-minutes, overweening, entitled, texting, emotionally handicapped, walking wounded human beings most of us act like. And that’s before you even get to hello. Finding your peeps, as they say, isn’t as easy as it seems but, like all good things, is definitely worth the work!
So, how do you tell if someone is got the right stuff to be your new BFF or just a GF? I figure that most of our same propensities arise when it comes to friendship as they do in an intimate relationship—except, of course, Le sexe. It’s safe to say that we are looking for many of the same things in a friendship that we are looking for in a relationship. With a few exceptions:
1. Someone to hang out with (you actually like)
2. Someone you have something in common with (aside from Le sexe)
3. Someone who will listen to your incessant or inane whining should it arise, however untimely
4. Someone who will show a genuine interest in you and your life, however ordinary or dull
5. Someone who has a high tolerance for your weaknesses
6. Someone who will have your back if ever need be
7. Someone you can count on (from OMG I have nothing to wear to my high school reunion, to OMG I have breast cancer and need someone to hold my hand during chemo)
8. Someone who will tell me the truth even if I don’t want to hear it (with compassion when needed)
9. Who doesn’t care if I am 10 pounds overweight (fill in the blank)
10. And still love me if I decide to shave my head, take up drumming and move to India for a year
Finding these select few, these magical, unconditionally (most of the time) loving phenoms can take some sussing out. Once you have decided that you want some great ones—who, if you’re lucky, just may be around throughout your lifetime—here are a few things to keep in mind. They just might make your journey a little easier done than said!
1. Set your intention—it works with friends too. Maybe you want to make two or three new good friends in the next year. Set achievable goals.
2. Set forth your criteria. What do you want? I wanted girlfriends who were self-sustaining, had a daily practice of self-care, who were on a similar spiritual track, and who had impeccable communication skills, etc.
3. List your non-negotiables, the things that just won’t work for you. One of mine was, “If you are upset you need to tell me directly and not make unilateral decisions that affect me as well.”
4. Interview well, ask good questions and wait and see if their actions match their words.
5. Don’t settle (even if you’re bored or desperate, you’ll be sorry you did!).
6. Tell the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable, better now than later, I always say.
7. Set your boundaries regarding money, men, and all things sacred!
8. Give as much as you get and make sure it flows the other way too!
9. Take your time, no need to rush, getting to know a new friend is fun and should be savored, and trust is built over time
10. Most of all, be silly, be yourself, and have some fun!
And remember, great relationships, including friendships, begin within!
Does makeup matter? It matters as much or as little as you want it to. It can be as lovely, nude and natural as you like.. or it can be as out loud exciting as an lighting bolt. I like love it when people take things to the next level when using graphics and design to decorate their faces and bodies. YES PLEASE. YESYESYES.
Be sure to check out the step-by-step makeup tutorials in the Japanese magazine scans as well as some artist photos and tutorials below~
Makeup is a magic mask of color just waiting for you to get creative and change the rules. Wear it to a rave or, if you like to march to the beat of your own drum like most of us do, wear it to get groceries whenever you feel the need!
Decadent Makeup Here & There
From all around the world, cartoon, model or artist.. we like our makeup loud and clear.
Merci to the wonderful Audrey Kitching for her own love of the Miseducated lifestyle. She makes us so proud we could burst.
80s-inspired Magic Makeup
Courtesy of the amazing Bethany.
Colorful & Creative Makeup
This last colorful and creative makeup tutorial is by the wonderful Rebecca. Living a Miseducated life to her means, “Be yourself, never stop learning & never hold back on your creativity.”
Perfect!
Imagine your fingernails sparkling when they are typing on the keyboard or flipping the pages of a book! Pretty fingernails really make one feel very happy! Think Sanrio, “Small gift, big smile.” In times like these it’s the sweet, inspired things that really go a long way.
So let’s go on a trip to the nail salon I frequent in Hong Kong! I’m planning to get some gel nails with 3D acrylic nail art and Swarovski crystals.
Amazingly the nail painter accomplished my rough sketches to wonderful gel nails!
I found the patterns in some Japanese nail art magazines which the nail salons provided.
But if those magazines can not satisfy your crazy thought about nail art, it is surely more fun to design your own cute nail tips! Miseducated girls are all about inspired lives and diy — I’m sure you have many ideas to use.
You can change your nails in honor of a holiday or occasion; how about a Christmas version with snowman and Christmas tree?
Just draw whatever you would like on your nails and simply write some descriptions about the colours and what kind of stone you prefer.
Use the ideas in magazines as an inspiration, but most importantly, have fun and create whatever you like!
Here’s the deal. Most of us approach relationships like drunken sailors, intoxicated with the ideas and fantasies we have about relationships as opposed to the sobering reality of them, and desperate (or lonely, as the case may be) like your ship has just come in—or is about to leave port. Not a great strategy if you want a great relationship.
So, get a piece of paper and write these things down:
1. First, what do you want? (spell it out)
2. What are you willing to do about it?
I know, I have said this before, but let’s take a closer look—trust me. Let’s start with number 1: What do you want? On your paper, across from each item you have listed in your want column, write down what you have instead. For example:
I WANT
An ideal partner, someone to share my life with
A big house with 3 kids, a dog and live near the water
To be debt-free and have 1 million dollars in the bank
I HAVE
I am single and live alone
I live in the city, small flat w/a fish
I am in between careers and in debt
Whatever the case is, write it down. The space in between what you have and what you want, let’s call your motivational crevasse. For some this may seem gaping, for others totally achievable. Which brings us to number 2: What are you willing to do about it?
On the back of that paper, write down what time you woke up today and what you did, go ahead, write it. Include when you got up, who you spent time with, what books you read, TV you watched, when you went to work, and so on. And be as specific as you can! Then I want you to get another piece of paper, draw a monthly calendar, and mark the days that are pretty much like this day. Go on.
If you’re like most of us, we do about the same thing pretty much each day, consistently, whatever those things are; hang out with certain people, go to particular places, participate in certain activities, watch TV, go on our computers, etc. We have routines and patterns. We are creatures of habit.
We also know that it takes a certain amount of discipline and practice to bring a thought or idea into fruition, or “make them real,” as they say. For example, we get our diploma by going to school, studying, showing up and doing what it takes to make that happen. Same applies for our dream relationship, our dream life.
Now for the math equation: Take what you want, add what you do all day, and see if it equals what you have!
I know, this seems harsh, well…what can I say, it is. When we want something bad enough, we do what it takes to make it happen, rather than sitting around believing in fairy tales, hoping “the one” will just show up and we’ll live happily ever after. Odds are this is never going to happen, and the facts are in, ladies and gentlemen; it almost never does. Why wait? Go make it happen yourself. The good news is, since what you do begets what you have, try something different! Instead of watching TV, take a relationship class; or instead of hours of doing things that aren’t getting you what you want, start doing things that will bring you closer to creating what you do want! Next thing you know, you will want what you have… which, Buddha says, is the definition of happiness.
Fingernails.. Toenails.. they’re like mini canvases waiting to be painted (or collaged!). I used to have such a love for nail art that I devoted an entire website to it, complete with fanlisting! The fanlist grew large, the discussion about Japanese fashion, makeup and nail art was booming.
Now thanks to the rad Japanese fashion magazines people scan and share and Gwen Stefani, Japan fashion is even more prevalent today. (yay!)
Japan has a hand up in life design.
Design is a process that we can take to every level.
Let’s not ignore our nails! 😉
So how will we get this decadent inspiration without scanning bookstores for Japanese fashion magazines and nail salon listings? Here of course!
Below are some cute nail tips and tutorials from Japan, I’m absolutely digging on the strawberries.
No matter what you decide~ enjoy life to the fullest while you design your world.
Nail art scans are from Japanese fashion magazines such as ecocolo, CUTiE, CUTiE Book, melon, egg, Kera, BLENDA, JILLE, ku:nel, Nail Up, etc and, my favorite nail salon, PinkyNail.
As important to me as any adorable childhood hero.. and as adorable as.. My Little Pony carried me into a land of friendship, rainbows and smiles. I absolutely loved the cartoon because it swept me away into a sweet-filled land of sundae houses and happiness.
For this reason I have many more 80s goodies planned for the future and waiting to be uploaded. What’s your favorite 80s toon? I’m thinking it’s about time for 80s toon style catchers.. (like star catchers only they catch cute 80s creative ways of inserting whimsical nonsensery into your wardrobe)
If you have an 80s toon you feel is not being represented here in Miseducatedland, let us know! In fact, why don’t you write an article about the said toon and submit it?
Now for the sweets!
Ice Cream Tea
3/4 cup black tea
1 scoop milky ice cream (any flavor you love that mixes great with tea!)
Pour the tea into a cup. Add ice cream. The ice cream melts quickly into the hot tea, slowly in cold tea.. depends on how flavorful you’d like your tea and how sunny or blustery it may be. This can be quite a treat on both occasions!
Cotton Candy Tea
2 teaspoons rooibos tea
2 teaspoons mixed-fruit herbal tea
1 teaspoon oolong tea
Heat water to just before boiling and steep the teas and blends for 2-3 minutes. Add rock cane sugar (or use a rockcandy lollipop to stir!) while cooking to sweeten to your liking. Pour over ice. Top with a colorful fluff of cotton candy for extra sweetness.
Here’s the deal; the facts are in. At least 50% of marriages don’t make it—which, if you’re a gambler, is slightly better than a crap shoot – this is what I told RadarOnline, when asked for a comment about Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom’s marriage.
And it would seem obvious to many people that marrying someone you have only known a few weeks would increase your odds of failure…among other things. So perhaps a better question to ask is not what are the downsides, but rather…why? Why get married? So you can have a party? Show up your sister on TV because you are profoundly insecure or desperate for ratings? What’s the rush? It’s not like love has a shelf life. Unless one is deeply religious, which is not evident in this case (correct me if I am wrong; I don’t think so), there are so few reasons to rush into nuptials before we have taken time to do a minimum of due diligence.
What I do know about these two people is they know something about success. It takes discipline, skill and focus (and perhaps a little luck) to turn your desire into reality. Hence my concern, again, about their haste. I am not convinced that these two people understand the game they are in. I feel whatever their motivations for wedlock—“looks good, feels good,” ratings, or whatever—they would benefit by focusing on the fact that the same commitment, discipline and skill that supported their success is needed to enjoy a successful relationship; particularly a healthy, fulfilling, sustainable one.
With all due respect, if these two people love each other, or feel a strong connection and want to jump into marriage (which I likened to jumping out of a plane, considering, well…that they have just barely met), they should strap on a parachute. Which is to say, they should strongly consider checking under the hood to make sure they have what it takes to make the journey before Sunday. Many things are very difficult, if not nearly impossible, to re-negotiate after they say “I do.”
While celebrity marriages may seem qualitatively different than the average boy-meets-girl scenario, all relationships thrive best when they rest on a solid foundation. In some ways, the celebrity relationship needs to pay even greater mind to this, as their relationship is subject to stresses, pressure and scrutiny that on a good day most of us cannot even fathom.
So I would say to this couple, go for it! IF they have managed in this three-week period to establish the following, at minimum:
Their top three non-negotiables.
If this person is worthy of their unconditional devotion and respect.
A strong “out” clause or good consciousness agreement.
If they themselves are a strong, loyal, devoted, trustworthy partner.
They have revealed all their deep secrets or habits that have the potential to destroy the relationship if not revealed and healed.
They have cleaned up all their past relationships.
Have the capacity to tell the truth despite the consequences, and see the value of truth as a cornerstone of their relationship.
Love each other’s friends and current daily lifestyle.
Have agreed upon children and child-rearing responsibilities.
Understand and are in alignment about money.
They are confident in each other’s ability to negotiate their feelings and concerns responsibly.
Know what each other values most in life.
Have shared and are in alignment and support of their 10-year plan.
Have agreed to see someone (either within the family or outside) to act as an unbiased counselor, to help support the relationship should they get stuck or feel they cannot resolve any matter that has the potential to end the relationship.
This, I believe, would afford them a good start. While relationships are a great breeding ground for personal development, chemistry as a litmus test for the potential of a relationship is too often a crash-and-burn method & can be quite painful. Rather than each failed relationship being a lesson learned, the pain becomes either fuel for the next one or a barrier to intimacy.
In our 20s we are at a peak in some ways, in terms of learning about who we are and who we are not, and oftentimes get into relationships based largely on chemistry—without having acquired some essential relationship tools and turned them into skills. Life will teach them soon enough. The good news is, if they really want a healthy relationship they are in a position to develop these skills, provided they have interviewed each other and revealed their shadows and non-negotiables to each other. Some of these deal-breakers, like infidelity or drug or alcohol addiction, are things that you want to know before you get married, not after!
Hard to establish trust when you have had so little time to see if the person’s words and actions match up. If you are in a rush, and clearly Khloe and Lamar seem to be, I’d advise them to take some time before Sunday to drop in with each other, because having a success plan is important! Bottom line, at least half of marriages end in divorce. If you want it to work, make sure you are prepared and have what it takes to make that happen.
To Re-cap
Hard to negotiate your needs after the marriage ceremony; double check your non-negotiables, you two!
What do you want and expect from each other & the marriage: do you both want kids, how will you share your money, or not? I call this a consciousness agreement.
What kind of relationship skills do you bring to the table? Do you have issues with commitment and intimacy, do you have a track record of being able to stay and hang in there when things get tough? “Looks good, feels good” isn’t going to cut it when things get sideways…these things are very difficult to negotiate after you already have established a pattern. Talk about it. What are you committing to?
Happily Ever After is not a place, and chemistry is not enough to keep a relationship together. They say that, in unconsciousness, the thing that brings you together in a relationship will be the thing that pulls you apart. What is your foundation for your relationship? I recommend spirit, God or the divine, and having a real practice.
Love is a choice and a privilege, not a sentence, so act like it!
I recently explained my take on the Khloe/Lamar situation at a book signing. You can watch it here.
It’s been quite a terrible week! What better reason than that to go shopping in Japan? Another department store no less, this one, tailored for us online shoppers! It’s a big stop for Japanese and Americans alike~
I’m a little speechless today because all I want to discuss is the features coming up soon and I’m trying to wait.. 😉 You’re probably not as silly as I am, but if you love toys, cuties, and more you’ll be happy!
Speaking of toys, cuties and more… let’s get a load of the goodies I found while searching high and low in the wonderland of Japanese whimsy splashed product. I’m certainly feeling the urge to go back to my heartland soon… Where do you feel you belong in the world? I’ve been questioning this a lot recently as we’ve been prepared to move for quite awhile and yet we find ourselves unable to make a move.. or should I say ME. Until very soon.
So to relieve my worries I’ve always found happiness in being surrounded in cute, lovely, well-designed items.. I’d love to hear your ways of coping with stress and anxiety as well! Feel free to leave them below — much appreciated~
Did I mention How Magazine added us as one of the Top 10 Sites for Designers this month? It’s funny because I *love* that magazine, always looking hot on the shelves begging me to dive into jumpstartworkmode.
