Holiday – Miseducated

Diary

Crafting a Better Life of Love This Holidaisy

11/17/2013

I’ve been feeling a need to write. It’s been awhile that I have felt compelled to write a personal entry but I miss doing such so here I find myself plucking at the keyboard. I don’t often write personal entries these days because of what I’m still going through and an attempt to keep it under wraps mostly until it is long over. I’m still in the midst of a divorce and custody battle and I feel it’s best to keep it to myself and my family in order to protect myself, my ex and most importantly my daughter. It has been very draining to say the least, to start my life again from scratch after I had given most of myself to another for so many years. However even in the midst of this I have found love, happiness and the beginning of a family I always wanted that came easily and without negativity. Our home is filled with love and once everything is over I can fully start a new and devote myself to my new family, the family I had always wanted for myself and Colette.

So anyway, I am living many of the dreams I never really thought I would acquire. I am a housewife of a beautiful man who is a genius realism artist and gorgeous home in the city where I have everything I need to cook decadent meals and delicious desserts for family and friends. I get to spend my days working on beauty and fashion graphic design from my home office while chatting with my boss who becomes a closer friend everyday. I keep only true friends around and the rare free time I have for having fun I get to spend with amazing and creative women (such as Jamie Sucre) chatting and enjoying the finer things in life like sparkling cider, fairy lights and skittle-flavored shisha. I spend my evenings relaxing by the fire and crocheting with my mister by my side, taking a motorcycle ride through the city for a tasty dinner or playing games with our total of 4 children which include tons of laughter and imagination. I’m so inspired by this life filled with love and whimsical creativity and color that I cannot stop creating and planning for new projects for our family and for our work. I get to do many things it seemed I had no time or energy for in the past because I was so down about things I felt I couldn’t change.

For instance this year I crafted my daughter’s costume because I couldn’t find a Chibi Moon costume small enough for her size and we dressed up together and Sailor Moon and Chibi for trick-or-treating! It was her first time to actually go and it was a blast. We traveled through the colorful leaf covered sidewalks to houses with lights and faux spider webs to fill our bags with candy. It was like a dream. Then Colette and I hung our tree very early this year, Nov 1, and decorated it with candy sweet adornments. I hung my stocking, sewed a French-y damask one for mister to complement my Versailles style stocking and promptly bought gorgeous, fluffy fabrics for the children’s stockings and embroidered characters on the front. Theirs are still pinned and waiting to be completed but they are oh so excited!

Winter is my favorite time for yarn crafts as well, don’t you feel the same? I’ve currently got a crochet project going on for Jamie and a knitting project using a magic yarn ball someone made me last year. I was so excited about this yarn ball I saved it until I got settled in my new home so I could look forward to knitting my mother a scarf this winter. It’s not my style of colors and happens to be her favorites: muted forest greens and soft blues and purples all woven together in wool. I’m so taken by this yarn ball surprise I’m crafting one for a penpal friend online and we’re swapping soon so I will be sure to do a feature on that for you to participate in the fun! I feel there was a period in my past I was almost so excited because I spent most of my time crafting things for friends and family while my baby cooed in the background. It’s so fun now that she’s 3 and can actually help me or give me advice on things she likes most. She will always be my little cherub, the center of my heart. She is too perfect and I cannot wait to spend my whole life with her and my soul mate crafting a better life of love, color, whimsy and true, internal happiness which I once thought unreal. I hope you are also feeling reminiscent and content at the end of this year seeing what resolutions you will make and what things you are most grateful for.

Also for some random updates I finally got my hair done for the holidays as I had planned, scary change but I felt it was time for a big change to match the way my life has changed. I’ve also become really into American Horror Story on FX — I watched seasons 1 & 2 around Halloween and now I’m caught up with season 3. I had stopped watching horror entertainment for my whole previous marriage because my life felt so chaotic without it. Now that my life is secure and stable for the most part, filled with love and calmness, I have gotten back into horror for fun. What are you into this year? XX

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Ask Miseducated Design Your Life

Ask Miseducated: Valentine’s Day Gifting

02/07/2011

Have a question you’re just dying to know the answer to? Want to discuss something extensively in email with us? Please send us an email and we’ll forward it to the appropriate Miseducated writer.

Reader

Last year my wife flipped out when I bought her lingerie for Valentine’s Day. The truth is, I still don’t know why. She just got angry and said “Isn’t it obvious?” and that was it. Any advice on what I get her this year that won’t set her off (and that we both can enjoy), which is what I thought the point of Valentine’s Day was?

Maryanne

Hi Rob, thanks for your question. And it’s a great question, too, because I know a lot of guys would have blown it off and just guessed again this year, and as you’ve probably figured out, that’s not a great solution if your track record with guessing is less than stellar. Unless of course you just enjoy sexual frustration.

So, in terms of a gift… it’s less about “buying the right thing” and more about getting some clarity on what she expects from Valentine’s Day in terms of general atmosphere and activities, and also what you expect. Because it’s likely that her reaction last year was not so much about the gift in particular, but rather was a symptom of something else going on. Now that she’s had a year to feel resentful about whatever it was, it is more important than ever to get clear on what each of your expectations are.

But how does one begin such a difficult conversation? Starting a simple and loving way, telling her that you realise last year was a little rough, and you were hoping to talk about what you could both do together to make this year really special. One of two things will happen: either she’ll give you a straightforward answer and open up a conversation strictly about possibilities for Valentine’s activities this year, or you might get a chance to listen to the real reasons behind why she was upset last year. This is a great foundation from which to talk about what Valentine’s Day means to both of you.

It’s important, however, to make sure the conversation stays on course. You don’t want to start playing the blame game or devolve into finger-pointing; here are some tips to help you engage in an effective, constructive, and mature conversation.

Start by agreeing on what you’re talking about: “I would like to talk about how we can make Valentine’s Day special.”

Don’t ruin things with bad timing: When you say, “I want to talk,” most women will want to talk right now. Keeping that in mind, it’s probably not a great idea to approach the subject when she’s agitated about something, in a hurry, or in the middle of doing something else.

Set up ground rules: Maybe you could agree to each have 3 to 5 minutes to speak uninterrupted, about whatever you would like (this Valentine’s Day, last Valentine’s Day, or whatever you want). Make sure you are careful to focus on your feelings rather than your perceptions of what the other person did wrong. For example, “I felt confused when you got angry” is much more constructive phrasing than “you always get angry for no reason.”

Recap what you heard: It’s important to take turns and repeat what the other person said, so that you are each sure your message is getting through.

Talk honestly about the ideal situation: Take another 3 to 5 minutes each describing what an ideal Valentine’s Day would be like if you could have everything exactly how you wanted it.

Negotiate for each other: It might go like this: she might say, “how about we go see a movie, then we’ll come home and I’ll make you dinner, and maybe I’ll give you a massage?” Then he might say, “why don’t I take you out to dinner before the movie, then afterward we can come home and give each other massages?”

Connecting with and listening to each other is a delicate art. Each of us is subject to changing moods and changing desires, and often we expect the other person to read our mind. When you hear what each other is saying, often you find you’re looking for the same thing: to spend time together and be happy around one another. There may be some compromise involved, but remember that the true meaning of Valentine’s Day is that love is kind, responsible, and above all, respectful.

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Design Your Life

Single for Valentine’s Day

02/12/2010

“Where can you go to meet people if you’re single?” the reporter asked. He was writing a column about Valentine’s Day, and I had agreed to help him out.

“It depends on what you’re looking for,” I replied. “The right place for you to go may not be the right place for anyone else. I mean, I couldn’t recommend a restaurant for you until I know what kind of food you like! There’s no point in telling you to go to my favorite seafood restaurant if you hate fish.” This is the problem with the singles community: many people think that there’s one magic place out there to meet the right people, and that the same solution should work for everyone.

Sure, that approach is fine if you’re not terribly picky about whom you end up with, but most of us probably want something a little more specific. In that case, you have to take the time to identify what that specific thing is, what you want and what would make you happy. Once you are clear about your own feelings and desires, then it’s time to go out and find people who share those same values. Ask yourself, where would those sorts of people hang out? Those are the places that you need to go. If you surround yourself with like-minded people and let your true self shine through, a lot of great things will start happening.

“But how can single people cope with being alone on Valentine’s Day?” he wondered.

“There’s no coping necessary if you think of Valentine’s Day as a celebration,” I said. “Just like any other aspect of life, you can choose to be positive or negative. If there’s no one pampering you, do it yourself! Get out there and have the things you want, buy yourself flowers, get spa treatments, or whatever makes you happy. Life will turn around and treat you exactly how you treat yourself, so this is a perfect chance to give yourself some love and attention. If you are true to this intention and stick with it, you’ll attract the right people sooner than you realize.”

He asked again about the best places to find romance, so I tried repeating my point in a different way. “The place you need to find romance is inside yourself. There is nothing out in other places except a reflection of what’s within you. So the focus needs to be inward, taking care of yourself and what you want, and then focusing on putting that message out into the world. If you go out knowing exactly who you are and what you’re looking for, you will end up at the right places to find those things and people.”

The reason people keep finding the same disappointment again and again is because they keep looking in random places and settling for things they don’t really want. So if you want to do this right, find your real self first, focus on what makes you truly happy, and go out concentrating on doing what you love.

In short: it’s about what’s within you, not about what’s out there. Focus in the right direction and you’ll start having the things you want reflected back to you!

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Design Your Life

How to Prepare for the Holidays

12/26/2009

Like Ram Das says: You want to see how together you are, go spend some time with your family! This sentiment is particularly apt during the holidays, when emotions run high and painful memories are easily triggered. Especially if this holiday things are different than you would like them to be: i.e. you’re single (again), newly divorced, bringing someone home your family can’t stand, or maybe you simply dread the same old story your family dynamics dose on when you get together.

Here are a few tips that can help you face whatever may come with more confidence and grace than you’d imagined…

Embrace “what is”~ This is the quick way to holiday enlightenment! The sooner you accept people and things the way they are and not the way you want them to be, the more likely you are to experience some real joy! While this is no easy pill to swallow when you are feeling lonely, rejected, or not up for going a few rounds with your family, this truth will set you free. Try it; it’s the perfect gift to give this season.

Right-size your expectations~ If you’re aren’t quite ready to accept things the way they are, your next best bet is to curtail your expectations some. Try this (always works for me). Find someone less fortunate than yourself and do something wonderful for them. It’s a sure way to get an additional perspective. Sometimes we can get so righteous or stuck in our story we don’t leave any room for something different or magical to happen. The spirit of giving will soften your grinchy glare and open your heart up. ‘Tis the season to cut some slack. Plenty of time for therapy and analyzing everything and everyone come the new year!

Walk a mile in their shoes~ Refuse to participate in certain members of your family’s antics, or can’t possibly stomach your ex flaunting his “new and improved you” all over tinsel town when you’re still obscenely alone? Try a shot of compassion. While this is not easy, especially for novices (‘cause you have to actually care enough to take a moment and walk a mile in their shoes), in most cases it helps us take the edge off. Understanding that being human is complicated, and that we are all frightened and fragile whether we show it or not, helps ease the burden of needing everyone (including ourselves) to be perfect.

Stage fright~ Are you the type that thinks of the right thing to say or do after the fact? Like, you think of what you should have said, but freeze up and blank out and end up a mess? Then you need to rehearse your lines! Doesn’t matter who you are, when we are upset we don’t think clearly. No matter what awaits you, try and do a dress rehearsal so you can be prepared for anything. Write it down and carry it with you so you don’t get blindsided. And practice all the way there, and maybe even the day before if you have to. “No, Uncle Bart, I am not drinking right now. Thank you.” or “That’s lovely; I wish you both every happiness!” or “Congratulations on your new part in the upcoming porn film, I am sure you’ll be a great success.”

Let the train go down the track~ Need to make an appearance because it’s the right thing to do and aren’t interested in feeling, dealing or healing, or even saying the right thing right now (you know what they did, they know what they did, period)? I always say, when there’s a train coming down the track, get out of the way. Take a few deep breaths, count to ten, get something to eat, help in the kitchen, make call to someone who can help calm you down; and if that doesn’t work, excuse yourself, go straight to the bathroom, and re-group. Before you say or do something you will regret, remind yourself like a mantra, “Why should you always take the high road? Because that’s the kind of person you are.” Otherwise, leave town and send a Christmas card.

Have a pity party~ Speaking of leaving town: you might be fed up, feel the urge to fall apart, say the wrong thing, make a scene, behave badly, act inappropriately for the first time in your life, storm off and leave, or just stay in bed and wait for January. I say, let yourself have it. Maybe what you need is a little pity party. Go for it. Pick a start time and an end time and go for it. Maybe letting yourself feel what you’ve been stuffing is in order. Maybe you need to attend to some of what’s bottled up before it causes more damage to you or anyone else. Heck, you could invite some friends and just have a big negative merge! Who knows, it may be just what the doctor ordered.

Do overs~ If I feel like I can’t pull it together, or am unable to say something tactfully or gracefully, am intolerant, or simply full of crap and can’t get out of my own way, I ask for a “do over.” I attempt the right behavior, but if I can’t get it right, I will say something like “That didn’t come out right, I am so sorry, can we try that again?” Or “Maybe it’s better if we talk about this another time.” Then there’s always Plan B. I leave and try again next year… Give yourself permission to do what you have to do to take care of yourself!!

Bottom line: during the holidays, there is no more pain to be felt than at any other time of year. According to John James’ “Grief Recovery Handbook,” this is a fact. There are simply many visible associations with painful memories that keep us trapped in our habitual thinking. If we can remember that we are all connected, that most of us are doing the best we can, and that most of the pain and suffering we experience is a projection, we are less likely to take things personally and more prone to create connection rather than greater separation!

Avoid a mystical hangover this holiday season – watch Maryanne’s advice from author Roger Housden:

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Design Your Life

How to Travel Happy and Care Free

12/24/2008

Traveling is Doable- Even On a Budget!

Miseducated girls know that one of the best parts of life is getting out of your every day cycle and exploring what the world has to offer. Unfortunately, leaving your abode and venturing out into the unknown can be a little pricey. Never fear, though, there are plenty of ways you can cut down on the cost of traveling, whether your plans involve a simple (but awesome) road trip or venturing across national territories.

Pack your own food

Airplane food is mega expensive so it’s advised that you avoid it at all costs. Pack yourself enough for 1-2 meals and carry it onto the plane with you. You’ll use up food in your refrigerator (it will go bad anyway!) and save quite a bit of money. Also pack snacks (I promise you’ll get hungry later) for the plane ride and if you have room, enough for the duration of your vacation.

Eat breakfast at your hostel/hotel

Many hotels and hostels offer a free, continental breakfast. Take advantage of this! Don’t feel guilty taking a few rolls or fruits for the road – often times food is thrown out because hotels/hostels make more than what they need.

Don’t eat out for every meal

Don’t get me wrong – going out to eat is one of my all time favorite ways to spend money, but it can get very expensive. Buy your meals like a local would by going to the grocery store. This is especially great if you’re abroad. Many markets and grocery stores are set up different to your own and you’re sure to find some peculiar items!

Book at the right time

This goes for plane tickets and hotels. When booking, try your very best to avoid booking during peak season. That would be holidays, the summer and other random events (like the Super bowl, for instance). Not only will you save money, but you’re more likely to find yourself in overwhelmingly crowded tourist destinations. Also, many airlines offer drastically reduced ticket prices for last-minute bookings. This is because the airplane wants to fill their plane to full capacity.

Stay at a hostel (or with a friend!)

Don’t let the movie, “Hostel,” scare you. Hostels used to be more of a European thing, but they are quite popular all over the world, including the United States. Hostels are great because they are drastically cheaper (any where from $10-30 a night), you meet people from all over the world and they come in a variety of shapes and forms. There are upgraded hostels that are very similar to hotels, so if sleeping with 4-10 other people in the same room bothers you, keep that option in mind. Also, hostels provide lots of excursion activities. Check out hostels.com for hostel reviews and locations.

Avoid booking on weekends

If it’s possible for your schedule, book on a Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday. The most popular days to fly are Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The most popular days to stay at a hotel are Thursday, Friday and Saturday. You will notice quite a difference in the prices if you do this.

Go to free events

You can often find discounted days and times for various events you have in mind. For example, some museums offer free (or cheaper) admission on certain days that are normally slow. Also, visit parks and other landmarks that don’t require an entry fee. Ask your hotel/hostel attendant and locals for advice. Also do research online before you leave.

Shop around and spend wisely

Depending on where you vacation, you can find a lot of great deals. Avoid malls, where items are often mass produced and over priced. You can find some really unique keep sakes and trinkets (often hand made by artisans themselves) by going to street markets and vendors. If you’re vacationing in a big city that does not have markets like these, save money by window shopping just like you would at home!

If you’re driving…

The biggest way for you to save money is to cut the cost of gas prices. How do you do that? Make sure that your tires are in great shape. Have the rotated and fill them with air if necessary. Also, change your oil. The $30 you spend doing this could save you much much more in the end. Also, don’t forget to pack a lot of your own food. This is especially easy for you!

Exchange Rates

Use your debit card to get money out of ATM’s/pay for items if you are traveling abroad. Since the payment is electronic, you will get the best exchange rate. Also, it’s much safer to travel with a debit or credit card because if it’s stolen you can report it’s missing right away. When cash is gone, it’s gone. Also, I have found that travelers checks are often not accepted and are more of a hassle than anything.

Lastly, exchange money before you go abroad and never at the airport. It’s much more expensive at the airport and you’ll save money if you exchange elsewhere.

Good luck and happy adventures!

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DIY Recipes

Holiday Cocktail Recipes to Warm Your Winter

11/25/2008

Isn’t it nice how a fabulous cocktail sets the entire mood of a party? After all, when you have a good-looking and great-tasting drink in your hand, your mood is generally soarin’ high!

Listed below are seven simple (and inexpensive) holiday cocktails that you can make without breaking the bank.

Cranberry Christmas

This delicious and fruity cocktail is the perfect shade of crimson. Here’s what you need:

1/2 ounce Cointreau
1/2 ounce cranberry juice
1 teaspoon lime juice (squeeze it fresh for the best taste)
1 oz vodka

Combine all the ingredients into a cocktail shaker, add ice and shake. Serve in a frosted martini glass (just place it in the freezer for a few hours). To garnish, add a few cranberries – they’ll float!

Peppermint Delight

The holiday’s are always nicer with a hint of mint. Try this lovely and refreshing mix at your next holiday bash:

1.5 ounces creme de cacao
1 ounce half/half (try lowfat milk if you’re on a diet)
1 ounce peppermint schnapps

Place in a cocktail shaker with ice and mix well. Strain and place into a beautiful glass of your choice. To garnish, add a short peppermint stick!

Let it Snow

This intoxicating mixture is an interesting wake up call for your taste buds.

2 ounces pear Shnapps
1 ounce half/half (or milk)
a dash of cinnamon

Place the Schnapps and cream into a cocktail shaker with ice. Mix thoroughly and strain into a fabulous glass. You can also try this drink blended. Simply combine the Schnapps and cream with ice and blend until smooth. Sprinkle the cinnamon on top!

Scotch Reindeer Sour

This drink is especially fab for the gentlemen on hand. Serve this in an old fashioned, short glass and hand it over with a coy eye!

1 1/2 ounces whisky (try the Canadian kind!)
1 1/2 ounces orange juice
1 teaspoon of grenadine
1 teaspoon fresh squeezed lemon juice.

Combine all the ingredients into a shaker or blender. Pour into your glass and add a lemon slice to garnish!

White Christmas

This silky drink is better than any dream you could conjure! Not to mention, it’s as easy as 1-2-3!

1 ounce amaretto
1 ounce half/half
1 ounce vodka

Mix this lovely trio in a cocktail shaker with ice. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass and garnish with a cherry or nutmeg.

Mr. Grinch

Maybe this drink won’t steal all your presents, but it sure knows how to steal hearts!

2 ounces Midori
1/2 ounce fresh squeezed lemon juice
1 tsp sugar syrup (try Karo)

Mix all three ingredients into a shaker and strain into a chilled martini glass. This green drink looks fabulous with a cherry garnish!

Hot Mint Chocolate

This is my all-time favorite, so of course I’ve saved the best for last! This drink is great for low-key parties or snuggling up with your loved one(s).

5 to 6 ounces of hot chocolate (hot!)
1 ounce peppermint schnapps

Pour the schnapps into a mug or glass that is heat-safe. Add your hot chocolate and stir well. To garnish, add crushed candy cane around the rim of your glass or simply add a candy cane stick.

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Crafts DIY

Do-it Yourself Holiday Gifts

11/14/2008

If you can’t find me on any given Saturday afternoon, I’m likely perusing the aisles at my local flea market or antique store. You see, since I was a wee thing, I’ve been obsessed with all things old and lovely. And what better place to find “old and lovely” than at a store that sells items of the past?

Remember, the difference between flea markets and antique stores is this: Antique stores have done the dirty work for you and have found the best of the best vintage doo-dads. As a result, their prices are higher. Flea markets, on the other hand, are a composite pile junk-things and fabulous finds. Consequently, the prices are much lower.

With that said, I find pleasure in both types of stores. However, I personally feel that flea market browsing is a much more satisfying experience. It’s like I’m a superwoman saving all these beautiful items hidden among the rubble! If flea markets are the way you want to go, keep in mind that it takes patience and a lot of time to have a successful shopping trip.

Now, without further ado, here are a few unique ideas that are half DIY, half vintage-fab. And I promise, they are oh-so-easy to do!

The Candy Dish

I promise that any flea market/thrift store/antique mall will have myriad exquisite dishes. In fact, these items are one of my most favorite to look for, simply because they are easy to find and almost always affordable and different. The best candy dish finds are the ones that have a lid (helps keep the candy fresh!) and are one-of-a-kind. For example, I once purchased a fabulously decadent, blue-glass dish that floated on a stem. Once you find the perfect dish that fits the receivers personality, add some of their favorite candy! Individually wrapped chocolates are always a hit!

Framed Vintage

You can frame pretty much anything you want, but one of my favorites is either sheet music or old magazine ads. These items are usually very inexpensive ($1-$5 on average) and offer a great variety of styles. Just browse through the selection and set aside the items that speak to you. Now that you’ve got your item, all you need to do is frame it. Depending on the recipient and the item to be framed, I like to purchase a modern-looking frame to offset the vintage look or purchase an older frame to drive the point home!

Tip If you can’t bring yourself to tear a page out of a magazine, simply make a color-copy!

The Vase

Vases are another easy find at any thrift store, flea market or antique mall. And just like the candy dishes, there is often a great variety in style and color. I am often drawn to opulant items and so for me, the fancier the better! Since you are purchasing for someone else, try to find a vase that reflects the personality of whoever is receiving the gift.

Once you’ve purchased the vase, head to your local flower shop with the vase (clean it up first, of course!). Ask the shop owner which flowers would look best in the vase and go from there.

Tip You don’t have to buy a large bouquet. A few flowers in a beautiful vase makes a bold statement.

Cookie Jar Frenzy

Who doesn’t love cookies? And if you have cookies, why not store them in a beautiful cookie jar? On your next vintage-outing, search high and low for some interesting jars. I’ve seen plenty in my day, ranging from refined and exquisite to gaudy and fun!
Once you have your jar purchased, clean it out and make a batch of the recipients favorite cookies.

Tip To add more vintage snazz to this gift, put the recipe for the cookies on a vintage inspired (or actual vintage) recipe card and include it with the gift!

Sweet Tea Cup

This is one of my favorites. All you have to do is find a lovely tea cup and saucer set. These are usually priced quite low – anywhere from $4 to $25. After you find the cup and saucer of your dreams, purchase some nice tea bags and a few honey sticks. Put said items in your tea cup and wrap the cup/saucer in tinted (or clear) cellophane. You can usually find cellophane at craft stores (I know Target sells some, too). I like to add a ribbon bow at the top for an extra touch of pretty.

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