Diary

How Soon is Now? Surprise! Surgery.

11/04/2014

So a thing happened. Many things happened. Most of all I survived them. Even the one that was out of my hands. The universe must have some more plans for me, what can I say.

Upon doing yoga with a friend (Emma) I must have twisted a unknowingly deformed small intestine in my inner scar tissue from my cesarian. I didn’t feel it. We went to work and eat from the comfort of my dining room. I ate a delicious burger that Mister Educated made for me. Then.. pain. Immense pain. Is this food poisoning? It doesn’t feel that way. I’ll lay down and take a nap. No, no I won’t. I begin breaking out in sweats and chills, losing consciousness. Is this for real? I have a high pain tolerance but this is insanity. Emma? She takes me to the dr. My blood pressure is so low they think the machine is broken. Emma rushes me to the ER. They think I’m lying. I must be some sort of person wanting pain medicine because there is no visible injury. No, please no. No pain medicine. I won’t take it. Just right the wrong in my body.

The nurses, they tell me to put on a mask. They assume I just have a stomach bug. Ebola perhaps. But no. No this is not a virus. This is my body shutting down.

This is probably appendicitis. Your gallbladder is probably acting up. You must have food poisoning. This will clear up tonight. Tomorrow you’ll be fine. Really? Thank you! This will all go away! But it feels so much worse already? *violent retching*

The next morning. The surgeon. This could clear up on it’s own. The tests seem like it’s hopeful. Or we can take a look surgically. WHAT? It hurts.. but I want to go with Mister.. What do you think? It’s up to me? I feel like something could be very wrong. I think you should take a look. I will then.

Stomach sick, in a daze, can’t stop vomiting on the operating table. Everyone is telling me it’s going to be ok. My husband is here and I will see him soon. It will all be ok. Everything is probably just fine. It will just be a small incision for our camera. Breathe in the anesthesia. Relax. Go to sleep…

Yes, we removed a foot of her small intestine. It had died. It was caught in scar tissue. She had a cyst. If we had’t operated she’d have died. She’s very lucky. Yes, here’s your husband. He’s here.

Tears of joy. Then. The pain. A new pain. Three stab wounds? A large cut along my midsection? Staples? It’s ok, you have a man that loves you. No one will even notice in a few years. You would have died if you’d have waited. You were very sick.

I know. I know I should trust my intuition more strongly. Thank you for saving my life, dr. Thank you for being the one surgeon who believed me.

Life is limited, treat it with love.

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Diary

Crafting a Better Life of Love This Holidaisy

11/17/2013

I’ve been feeling a need to write. It’s been awhile that I have felt compelled to write a personal entry but I miss doing such so here I find myself plucking at the keyboard. I don’t often write personal entries these days because of what I’m still going through and an attempt to keep it under wraps mostly until it is long over. I’m still in the midst of a divorce and custody battle and I feel it’s best to keep it to myself and my family in order to protect myself, my ex and most importantly my daughter. It has been very draining to say the least, to start my life again from scratch after I had given most of myself to another for so many years. However even in the midst of this I have found love, happiness and the beginning of a family I always wanted that came easily and without negativity. Our home is filled with love and once everything is over I can fully start a new and devote myself to my new family, the family I had always wanted for myself and Colette.

So anyway, I am living many of the dreams I never really thought I would acquire. I am a housewife of a beautiful man who is a genius realism artist and gorgeous home in the city where I have everything I need to cook decadent meals and delicious desserts for family and friends. I get to spend my days working on beauty and fashion graphic design from my home office while chatting with my boss who becomes a closer friend everyday. I keep only true friends around and the rare free time I have for having fun I get to spend with amazing and creative women (such as Jamie Sucre) chatting and enjoying the finer things in life like sparkling cider, fairy lights and skittle-flavored shisha. I spend my evenings relaxing by the fire and crocheting with my mister by my side, taking a motorcycle ride through the city for a tasty dinner or playing games with our total of 4 children which include tons of laughter and imagination. I’m so inspired by this life filled with love and whimsical creativity and color that I cannot stop creating and planning for new projects for our family and for our work. I get to do many things it seemed I had no time or energy for in the past because I was so down about things I felt I couldn’t change.

For instance this year I crafted my daughter’s costume because I couldn’t find a Chibi Moon costume small enough for her size and we dressed up together and Sailor Moon and Chibi for trick-or-treating! It was her first time to actually go and it was a blast. We traveled through the colorful leaf covered sidewalks to houses with lights and faux spider webs to fill our bags with candy. It was like a dream. Then Colette and I hung our tree very early this year, Nov 1, and decorated it with candy sweet adornments. I hung my stocking, sewed a French-y damask one for mister to complement my Versailles style stocking and promptly bought gorgeous, fluffy fabrics for the children’s stockings and embroidered characters on the front. Theirs are still pinned and waiting to be completed but they are oh so excited!

Winter is my favorite time for yarn crafts as well, don’t you feel the same? I’ve currently got a crochet project going on for Jamie and a knitting project using a magic yarn ball someone made me last year. I was so excited about this yarn ball I saved it until I got settled in my new home so I could look forward to knitting my mother a scarf this winter. It’s not my style of colors and happens to be her favorites: muted forest greens and soft blues and purples all woven together in wool. I’m so taken by this yarn ball surprise I’m crafting one for a penpal friend online and we’re swapping soon so I will be sure to do a feature on that for you to participate in the fun! I feel there was a period in my past I was almost so excited because I spent most of my time crafting things for friends and family while my baby cooed in the background. It’s so fun now that she’s 3 and can actually help me or give me advice on things she likes most. She will always be my little cherub, the center of my heart. She is too perfect and I cannot wait to spend my whole life with her and my soul mate crafting a better life of love, color, whimsy and true, internal happiness which I once thought unreal. I hope you are also feeling reminiscent and content at the end of this year seeing what resolutions you will make and what things you are most grateful for.

Also for some random updates I finally got my hair done for the holidays as I had planned, scary change but I felt it was time for a big change to match the way my life has changed. I’ve also become really into American Horror Story on FX — I watched seasons 1 & 2 around Halloween and now I’m caught up with season 3. I had stopped watching horror entertainment for my whole previous marriage because my life felt so chaotic without it. Now that my life is secure and stable for the most part, filled with love and calmness, I have gotten back into horror for fun. What are you into this year? XX

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Design Your Life Healthy Life Stylist

Ask a Healthy Life Stylist and Coach

10/22/2012

Greetings & Salutations, Miseducated!

As your new virtual healthy life stylist, I am thrilled to be your guide through the wonderland of wellness. In the coming months, I look forward to answering your most burning health & wellness questions, but first, allow me clear up a few common questions about what I do:

What is a Healthy Life Stylist?

A healthy life stylist is like a fashion stylist for the health world. Much like a fashion stylist would help you makeover your wardrobe [getting rid of the items that don’t flatter you & giving you new items that allow your inner goddess to sparkle], I help you makeover your life. From what to eat to feel your best to what steps to take to achieve your dreams, my job is about creating health for your whole being. Health and wellness aren’t just about eating vegetables; they’re about loving yourself, loving your job, developing healthy relationships, and cultivating a spiritual practice that makes you feel enlightened & at peace. I’m here to help with all these things and more.

What kind of questions do you answer?

Because I like to think of myself as a nutritionist, a life coach, and a therapist, all rolled into one, I can answer questions about any area you’re feeling less than fabulous about. I’m here to help you feel your best.

How can I learn more about your services?

If you’re in need of more than just a few questions answered or you want to receive an individualized lifestyle plan, consider signing up for my Health & Happiness in Half a Year program. You can check out the details & pricing for individual or group sessions on my website.

That’s it for now, darlings. <3 I look forward to answering your deepest health ponderings. xoxo, Michelle Shea Walker, H.C.

Ask a Healthy Life Stylist

Just make sure you are clear about if you mind your question/answer being published on Miseducated and if you’d prefer to be anonymous. All questions will be answered by Michelle regardless so ask away!

Photo of Michelle by Aaron Ehinger Photography.

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Design Your Life

Paper*Cakes: Let’s Get Real

02/27/2011

Short post today because I read the sweetest, most sincere post recently by a dear friend and I just had to share it with you!

The internet makes it easy for us to hide our shortcomings, but it also makes it far easier to connect with people on a level that we can’t always reach in real life.

Let’s Get Real by Paper*Cakes

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Design Your Life

Five Simple Ways to Love Yourself Now

01/25/2011

Hard as it can be to realize sometimes, no matter what you think, you are good enough. With the onslaught of picture perfect images in the media and culturally defined ideas of what we “should” look like, sometimes it’s so hard to just do one of the most basic things — love ourselves. To me, loving yourself is the very first step to living a positive and present life. If you can’t love yourself, you’re going to have a hard time truly loving the world around you and enjoying the life you’re living. However, loving yourself is no easy task sometimes. It actually takes a lot of hard work, which is why I’ve come up with the top five ways you can start loving yourself right now.

1. Stop comparing yourself to others.

The entire world encourages us to compare, to want what others have, to want to be like others. In the post I wrote back in 2009, Stop Judging: 4 Reasons, 5 Things, 6 Ways, I talked about how much we lose when we waste time judging others and ourselves. If you truly want to love yourself, you must stop your comparisons. Focus on you and what’s great about who you are, what you have, and what you do. Don’t waste any more time comparing yourself to those around you. This is the first — and most important — step to loving yourself now.

2. Focus on your achievements — big and small.

To often, we focus on the things that went wrong (or could go wrong) and not on the things we did right. We’ll dwell forever on a conversation that went poorly, but hardly think at all about a wonderful interaction with had with someone. Likewise, people are often more likely to focus on their failures than their achievements (probably as some sort of self-protection in order to avoid future failures). It’s okay to acknowledge the things that didn’t go swimmingly, but if you really want to love yourself, you have to spend most of your time thinking about what you did/said right. And, remember, even the little things deserve a pat on the back.

3. Look past the mirror to your true self.

It’s all too common for people to define themselves by the way they look. Remember: you are more than what you look like. Yes, it cannot be denied that appearance is important and has some merit, but it is not everything. The way culture is set up, it’s hard to remember that sometimes. Next time you look in the mirror and find yourself filled with negative thoughts, remind yourself that you are more than what you see in that reflection. Your worth is more than the way you look. Once you convince yourself of the truth in those words, it will become much easier to love your true self.

4. View yourself from another perspective.

We all have the tendency from time to time to get wrapped up in our own minds. Our thoughts and ideas take over and we tend to forget that there are millions and millions of other opinions and ideas out there in the world. The next time you find that you’re giving yourself a hard time, take a step back and try to look at the situation — and yourself — objectively. You may soon realize that the way you were looking at yourself or the situation is not the way that others would. Taking a step back and looking at yourself with fresh eyes will help you to realize that you are worth more than you realize — and you are certainly deserving of your own love.

5. Make a list of all your awesome traits.

Feeling like you’re not quite up to par? Stop. Drop what you’re doing. Grab paper and a pen. And get to work. The activity might seem like a silly one, but, seriously, taking some time to write about how great you are will help you to realize that, no matter how you might feel about yourself sometimes, you really are pretty awesome. And if you find yourself struggling with this exercise, enlist the help of friends and family. Hearing their input about your awesomeness will make you realize that, hey, if all of those people can love you, you can certainly love yourself!

As I said, loving yourself isn’t easy. It seems like the kind of thing that should come naturally, but I think most people are filled with reasonable amount of self-doubt and, as a result, their minds fill with self-deprecating thoughts from time to time. It’s okay to struggle with self-love, but it’s not okay not to give it a really solid try. You deserve to love yourself because, no matter who you are, you are awesome. So start embracing your awesomeness and use the five tips above to start loving yourself now. There’s no time like the present to learn to love yourself!

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Design Your Life

Learning to Live in the Moment

01/24/2011

I like to pinpoint areas in my life I’d like to change and then work on them..
If you can retrain your brain you can begin to let go of those issues.
I feel that I have never been able to live in the moment.
I’m always thinking about the past or waiting for the future.. never living in the here and now.
My new goal is to change this.
Want to come along for the ride?

In order to live a happier and healthier life, we need to slow down and learn to live in the moment.

We’re often so worried about our health, what we’re eating, doing, wearing, seeing that we sometimes forget how to enjoy living right now. Today. I seem to always be focused on my schedule and what I need to do next that I don’t enjoy the moment. This is one of the reasons I have started therapy, I want to live in the moment. I don’t want to be concerned with the past.

Just because we’re learning to live in the moment does not mean that we ignore tomorrow. Still concern yourself with tomorrow but involve yourself more in today. Tomorrow will come. Yesterday has gone. There is nothing you can change about the past, let go of your sadness or regret.

Living in the moment is easy when you’re having an exciting time.
Think back to vivid memories you have about fun times in the past.
You had no problem living in the moment then, why can’t everyday be that sunny vacation?
Why can’t every cup of coffee fill your mouth with a warming aroma of energy that warms you to the bone?
For some periods of time you are living in the moment.
Now how can we do this all the time?

One mistake that I and many others make is focusing too much on the future.
Weighing your happiness over something taking place, a raise, a lover or a bigger apartment.
Every time we achieve the “if only” we find we need something else to maintain this false facade of happiness.

Living in the moment means seeing the blessings you have today.
This is another one of those “take gratitude” tips from me.
Realize what you DO have and be thankful.
Try to quit focusing on what you DON’T have.
Allow yourself to leave your worrying behind to become a thing of the past.

Just as you guessed there are skills you can use to help yourself live in the moment, here are a few of them:

1.

Make a list of everything you have that makes you happy. Don’t try to be picky, just be thankful. These things, people, places may not be perfect but they are a part of your life. Make sure all of the people in your love understand how much they mean to you.

2.

Take time out of the day to do something special for yourself. Try having a square of chocolate in a bubble bath surrounded by calming lavender candles! Why not? No chocolate? Savor some tea.

3.

Do something special for someone you love.
Don’t expect anything in return, including a thank you.
Just watch their expression and see their enjoyment and know that it is because of you.

4.

Learn to laugh at everything.
Find humor everywhere and don’t take yourself so seriously.

5.

Keep a gratitude journal of everything you are thankful for. Try 5 things a day for a few weeks. Soon you will take notice of all of these wonderful things naturally.

Remember that for many of us, living in the moment is tough, it’s is a skill to be learned.
Start small and take each day as it comes.
Stop trying to change the past or live for the future and live in the right now.
I’m going to make a drastic change in my daily life to ensure that I experience each moment to it’s fullest and I know you can too.
This is your life, these are your years, let’s enjoy them.

4 Comments

Design Your Life

You Can’t Make Everyone Happy

11/25/2010

So don’t even try.
Trying to will only affect you in a negative way.

This is for all of you out there that get hung up on anxiety like I sometimes do. You just have to take a breath and move on, you have to keep doing what you know you should be doing.

No matter what you do and how amazing it may be, not everyone will like it. There will always be someone who doesn’t like what you do. You can’t make everyone happy. No matter how sweet, out-going and approachable you are, some people are not going to get along with you.

So forget about them. Don’t sweat it. If you try to make everyone happy you’re going to find out down the road eventually that you cannot and that you could instead of been making yourself and those who mean a lot to you happy.

So if you are doing something you love, keep doing it. Passion pays off. If I would have stopped what I was doing at the first NO I got I wouldn’t be living the life I love now. I wouldn’t be doing the things I love to do on and offline, living where I want to live, with whom I want to live with.

“You have to forget about what other people say, when you’re supposed to die, or when you’re supposed to be loving. You have to forget about all these things. You have to go on and be crazy. Craziness is like heaven.”
~ Jimi Hendrix

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Escapeland

Simple Combinations That Make Life Great

11/22/2010

Hello! I’ve been missing you so much, just writing to you makes my week so much more enjoyable! In fact I’ve written quite a few articles that I know many of you are waiting for.. and they’ll be here soon!

Where have you been? Where is my story? Can I join the staff? Will you support my work? ♥ My full-time job is designing goodies for clients on and offline — and now that we’re nearing the holidays work has went insane. As I’ve said before, I wish I could devote a lot more, if not most, of my time to Miseducated and helping new artists — but it’s not in the cards right now. I am however continually working in the background to ensure our success, the miseducated women’s voice will only get stronger.

That being said I love and am responding to many of your submissions!

I am very much in the works of preparing articles from great new and current contributors.. I know you’ll love so many of these! I’ve met many great current artists that I cannot wait to feature and I have recently heard from many new artists who are dying for the chance to have center stage soon! Lots and lots of deliciousness headed your way.

So for some nonsensical escapeland fun I’ll tell you about a little something that I enjoy, combinations. Combinations of what? Interests, experiences, etc.

So do you have examples?

Examples

Some of my favorite combinations through the years, some common and some not.
dubstep & driving
coca-cola & icecream sundae
warcraft & royksopp
neopets & rice krispee treats
strawberry body shop cocoa butter & several week-long ‘hot bitch vacations’
coffee & dessert
hot dog on a stick & limeade
electro & dancing
strawberries & brie
coconut & the ocean beach
cheech & chong
driving & singing
fruity hooka & a group of friends
kitties & bunnies
glitter & makeup
miseducated & cereal
art/design & music

Surely you have some random or commonly known combinations that you prefer?

Join

<a href="https://www.miseducated.com/?p=5781">one & two</a>
On your blog or website, simply type your favorite combination and link it here. ^*^ Others may question our sanity upon further investigation.. or join our side of tasty complementary combinations!
.. What?

You are also encouraged to leave as many of your favorite combinations here as you want — I can’t wait to see them!

7 Comments

Design Your Life

Stay Gold Forever: Lessons in Business and the State of Being

09/18/2010

When I was about fifteen, my father had this great idea that would turn me into the business prodigy that he had so desperately wanted me to be: To start a record label. I was very involved in music, and he had figured that it would have been perfect. I spent months reading business books and books specifically about one starting a record label, only to quit the project and head into an entirely new direction (one of the best descisions I have ever made in my entire life) months later.
Nonetheless, here are some things that I had learned whilst trying to get this independent music empire up and running, and I believe sincerely that these lessons can be applied to life in general and have a positive effect.

That’s My Story, and I’m Sticking To It

When I tell people how something happened (ex. How did you and your boyfriend meet? Is an easy example) , I want to feel good about it. I don’t want to have to feel like I have to paint a different picture to get the approval of who I’m telling, there shouldn’t be a detail to hide. You have to live a story that you’ll be proud to tell in the future.

Don’t Lose Yourself

It’s human nature. When you factor things down to their purest form, the only thing you really have, to hold on to forever and no one can ever take it, is what you think about yourself. Who you know yourself to be. And you must maintain your sense of yourself at all costs. Because your self-image is always going to be what you base your descisions off of, and if you compromise that, you’ve lost.

At the end of the day, don’t only ask:
How much money did I make?
How much work did I get done?
but also ask yourself:
What did I get out of it?
because in everything you do, there’s an image of yourself and the feeling associated with what you’re trying to achieve.

Avoid the Trap

Define who you know yourself to be.
Define who it is that you would like to be.
And define what it is you wish to be known for.

Those three things are your own personal rules of thumb. And it’s rather difficult, but beneficial, not to contradict them.

I do sincerely feel that by applying these little bits of knowledge to your life, you’ll come to a full understanding of why you want to do what you want to do, and therefore take a huge step forward on your everlasting journey to self discovery.

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Design Your Life Thankful for Monday

Thankful for Monday: Feeling Wonky

08/01/2010

Hello, candylanders! Fear not for I did not and could not forget you. *majorsensoryoverload* My time is much more precious with baby girl around, I feel she deserves every waking moment and I seem to have no problem at all giving them to her!

I’ve started a new artist project and have been scanning my old sketch/inspiration book.

Changes

Life always changes.. and the past sometimes seems amazing when you try to reminiscence about it.. but in reality you had problems then too. When you’re thinking about how wonderful things used to be you’re probably only focusing on the negatives now.. what what about the positives? I have to say I love changes because although I think I hate them and would want to be a child of the 80s forever — they’re amazing. Life changes all the time and you just have to enjoy each and every part… You only live them once!

A print I made for Colette before she was born.

Japanese Fashion Magazines

So I’ve been away from all of my goodies (aka: loot) for quite awhile now.. it’s all still boxed and labeled nicely in storage until we move. I miss it so much! I’m probably going to do an *obsessedwithjunk* post when we move and photo-shoot everything I always took for granted!

I again remember why I miss Japan and the life I had there.. so amazing and filled with health, good food and happiness. The magazines take me back to a time when I surrounded myself with everything adorable, bright and colorful so that I wouldn’t focus on the bad. I tried to focus on cute things that made me feel happy (my Hello Kitty and Sanrio goodies go back to 1981!) and squeal. Japan makes that world of cute lifestyle real to me, I feel so at peace and home when I’m sleeping there.

On a really materialistic note I miss the stores, clothes, magazines and food a lot, too. These magazines are like rainbow soup for my candy-lovers soul.

Sketching

I love sketching once more. When I started painting again recently for a show I found my sketching skills as shaky as ever and I decided to start perfecting them again for this artist feature I’m participating in. I cannot WAIT to show you because I have some great ideas!
😉 I’m doing a sort of a scrapbook in my notebooks as well.

Cotton Candy

I think that with a name like fairy floss this candy pretty much speaks for itself. It’s sweet and flavored (if you’re lucky) sugar melted and dried by a cooling fan. Usually it’s melt-on-your-fingers pink and lick-your-lips blue. I had to go to the local fair recently to snag a monster-sized bag, no questions asked!

FAMILY

The little family I have makes me happiest of all. If I didn’t have them I would be a lot crazier than I am now! 😉 Ben has always been amazing to me and Colette makes me smile more than I ever thought I could! Everyday with them is the best day.

Old inspiration sketch.

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