Book Review: ‘The Secret’ Starts Motivation

01/21/2010

For the past few weeks, my life hasn’t really been what I’ve wanted. I was starting to feel distant from my friends, unmotivated in my classes, and just generally down in the dumps. The end of the semester left me drained, and I was looking for something that would turn my mood around. When I heard The Secret(by Rhonda Byrne) mentioned on a talk show, I became instantly intrigued. From how it was described, this book talked about how thinking positively can bring about instantaneous changes in your life. If you live your life based on The Secret, you can have whatever you want, whether that is love, money, health, or opportunity.

So I thought to myself: Love? Money? Happiness? Just by thinking? Count me in! I picked up a copy of The Secret from the bookstore on campus and started reading it right away. It starts with introducing what the secret is. According to this book, the secret to living is the law of attraction. Thoughts attract like thoughts. If you are thinking about being sad, the Universe will think you want MORE sad things to think about, so those will be delivered to you. Well, that made sense to me, so I kept reading. It then proceeded to explain how thanking the Universe in advance will bring things into existence. For example, if you are sick, say to the Universe “Thank you for making me healthy.” The Universe will see that you are grateful and deliver on that health. Also, if you pretend you have what you want, you will soon have it in real life. If you visualize the life you want to have, that will be the life you WILL have. Sounds easy enough right?

Well I decided to put the secret to the test. I figured I would just aim for small things, since those come into existence quicker. For my first test, I wanted to see if I could get attention from a boy I have been interested in. I visualized myself with him for a few minutes then went back to my day. About ten minutes later, I got a text from said boy. Coincidence? Maybe. But wait, there’s more. Over the past few days, he has been paying a lot of attention to me. More texts, hanging out, instant messaging. Other than the visualization, I haven’t done anything to attract this attention. So for test one, I declared success.

My other test was incredibly small. I was having some pain in my foot as I went to sleep last night, and the pain was keeping me awake. I began thanking the universe for keeping my body pain-free. Almost instantly, the pain in my foot went away. By this point, my faith in the secret was definitely building.

I plan on utilizing this secret more and more, and I’m interested to see how things turn out. If you believe in the power of positive thinking, I would recommend picking up a copy and trying it for yourself. And if you have any interesting stories about how the secret worked for you, I would love to hear them!

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Design Your Life

Shame, Shame, Shame… on Who?

01/06/2010

We have plenty of excuses for Tiger Woods’ sexual mis-steps: “Powerful men have a higher sex drive,” says one expert; “Men are just wired that way,” says another. “If women don’t want their men to stray, they need to turn up the passion in the bedroom.” And I say – Pleeeeze!

Tiger Woods hits the front pages, and instead of fans cheering they’re reeling from his admission of foul play. Gasp! “Powerful men have a higher sex drive,” says one expert; “Men are just wired that way,” says another. “If women don’t want their men to stray, they need to turn up the passion in the bedroom.” And I say – Pleeeeze! We all know that men do not have a corner on the hormone market; the secret’s out and the facts are in, so enough with this foolishness—at least come up with something original.

Instead of acquiescing to what’s PC and getting on the oh-so-boring, poor, poor, sex-depraved male bandwagon, how about I direct your attention over here, to what I’m calling SI: Spiritual Incontinence. Defined: a sudden swift departure from one’s internal compass, brought about by the unconscious wound of separation. SI, I believe, is a malady that most of us who live in the western world not only suffer from but, ironically, subscribe to. We know what the high road is, and choose to submit to our lower nature, to hell with the consequences. And yes, I said choose.

It’s one thing to be broke and uneducated and thus make poor choices out of ignorance; it’s another to be out of integrity and behave abominably on purpose. You see, I am not a believer that people do the best they can; nope, I believe that people just do what they do. (And, in many cases, whatever they can get away with.) Unless you are a bona fide junkie, addicted to the rush of break-up and make-up, wake up and smell the truth:

First, being famous, powerful, rich or having a penis, in general, is not a precursor to infidelity or cheating. The difference between being a cheater and having cheated is gaping. If you don’t know the difference, bone up and grow up. There is no longer an excuse for not educating yourself unless you cannot read.

Second, women who choose to be in relationship with men who are cheaters do so because we are either afraid to be abandoned or alone, are financially dependent, are defined by a man wanting or loving us, or simply do not yet honor and respect ourselves. NOT because we love him and want to stand by our man. This is immature love and romanticized attachment. And if your man has moved from having cheated to being a cheater, he doesn’t need help. You do—get some, and some self-respect while you’re at it. You will be thrilled you did in the long run!

Third, do you know what one of women’s greatest strengths is? One of our greatest gifts? Our intuition. Use it or lose it. Look, we know! We see the red flags; we just …want what we want. We want handsome, tall, and strong/rich, powerful, and sexy/ hunky, artistic, etc., etc., guys who will sweep us off our feet and we’ll live happily ever after. We like the idea of love, not the reality. And I gotta tell you this; fantasy gets us into more trouble than just about anything. Slap yourself. Pay attention. Do your homework. Very few men turn into cheaters who were not already cheaters of some kind. The writing is on the wall—read it OR pay the price. How much is your peace of mind, your soul, worth? I’ll bet Mr-pro-golfer’s wife is asking herself that right now. Heavy price to pay, I say!

And four and last (for now, anyway). Wanna stay a victim and a blamer, or embrace the path of a skilled relationship warrior goddess? Maybe it’s time to fan your inner flame, turn up the volume of your passionate heart, and say YES to what’s most sacred and NO to what is not. To deny any suitor who has not taken care to bow before the divine, honor women and children, to live by the code inscribed in their deepest core, whose life reflects this on and off the field! How about you…shame on who?

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Ask Miseducated Design Your Life

Ask Miseducated: STDs and Ethics

12/26/2009

It’s always a painful situation when you feel like you have finally met the mate of your dreams, only to find out soon after that you were very, very mistaken. One of my students was recently in this situation, and shared an ethical dilemma that she had encountered as a result. All the names below have been changed.

Dear Maryanne,

When my goddaughter went off to college, I made sure that she had plenty of condoms, and a copy of your book. I’ve encouraged her to make smart choices, but unfortunately I wasn’t smart enough to follow that advice myself. As a result, my heart is broken, and I am paying the price for trusting someone who didn’t deserve that trust.
I met Darren through a friend of mine who assured me that everything about him seemed great. He was also a known philanthropist, and as I spent time with him I felt like he was the kind of person I could trust. As a result, I agreed to spend the night with him, and naturally the subject of condoms came up. But Darren insisted that he had been tested and was healthy, and stupid me throw all sense out the window and believed every word he said. So of course my heart sank when a few days later, after never having had an STD before, I had an outbreak that turned out to be herpes.
The first thing I did was approach Darren about this, but then suddenly he became evasive and wouldn’t speak to me about this so-called clean bill of health he supposedly had This just confirmed what I already knew, even though it was in Hindsight!
But now I have a decision to make. Should I just take myself out of the situation and let others worry about themselves, or should I tell the friend who introduced us not to recommend Darren to anyone else? My therapist thinks I should leave it alone now, but my conscience worries about the other women who could put themselves at risk. I’d be curious to hear your opinion.

Thank you,
Rhonda (full of regret and feeling stupid)

Well Rhonda,

you have experienced firsthand how getting in a sexual relationship too soon can distort the reality of a situation. It takes time to build that level of trust, and you need to allow yourself the opportunity to see whether this person’s appearances of integrity check out. This time buffer, combined with asking the 14 question that are outlined in Hindsight, can greatly increase your chance of spotting trouble before it’s too late.

Nonetheless, it is terrible to have to learn such a harsh lesson in this way, and I certainly feel for what you’re going through. You clearly have been trying your best to use your CORR® relationship techniques, and I’m sorry that in this case things crashed and burned so dramatically. When a friend recommends someone, it’s so easy to perceive that recommendation as some sort of guarantee of trustworthiness. But in the end, it’s up to you to find out whether the person you’re getting involved with has earned that trust.

Take some time and effort now to return to your loving center. You can do several things to aid this process. First, cover all your mirrors with paper for three days, and choose to look inward rather that at your outer reflection for validation. Rediscover who you are according to your highest self, and use your inner beauty and wisdom to help your reference point become internal again.

You can also benefit from a period of cleansing your sexual palate, and this will mean a period of dating during which you don’t take the relationship to a sexual level. This will allow you to explore why you were so happy to trust a man you didn’t know that well, and give you some insight into the kind of men you attract, and how you behave around them.

Lastly, a clearing ceremony can be tremendously cathartic and healing. Invite your closest friends to join you, create a sacred space, and fill it with all four elements, your favorite music, and things that remind you of beauty. Make a ritual of writing down all the things you want to heal, as well as the things you want to let go of. This is a very effective way to turn a disaster into an opportunity to love yourself.

Take your time – this process is not a race. When you feel centered again, I think you’ll see more clearly what you want to do. I am available if you need someone to answer some more questions.

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Design Your Life

How to Prepare for the Holidays

12/26/2009

Like Ram Das says: You want to see how together you are, go spend some time with your family! This sentiment is particularly apt during the holidays, when emotions run high and painful memories are easily triggered. Especially if this holiday things are different than you would like them to be: i.e. you’re single (again), newly divorced, bringing someone home your family can’t stand, or maybe you simply dread the same old story your family dynamics dose on when you get together.

Here are a few tips that can help you face whatever may come with more confidence and grace than you’d imagined…

Embrace “what is”~ This is the quick way to holiday enlightenment! The sooner you accept people and things the way they are and not the way you want them to be, the more likely you are to experience some real joy! While this is no easy pill to swallow when you are feeling lonely, rejected, or not up for going a few rounds with your family, this truth will set you free. Try it; it’s the perfect gift to give this season.

Right-size your expectations~ If you’re aren’t quite ready to accept things the way they are, your next best bet is to curtail your expectations some. Try this (always works for me). Find someone less fortunate than yourself and do something wonderful for them. It’s a sure way to get an additional perspective. Sometimes we can get so righteous or stuck in our story we don’t leave any room for something different or magical to happen. The spirit of giving will soften your grinchy glare and open your heart up. ‘Tis the season to cut some slack. Plenty of time for therapy and analyzing everything and everyone come the new year!

Walk a mile in their shoes~ Refuse to participate in certain members of your family’s antics, or can’t possibly stomach your ex flaunting his “new and improved you” all over tinsel town when you’re still obscenely alone? Try a shot of compassion. While this is not easy, especially for novices (‘cause you have to actually care enough to take a moment and walk a mile in their shoes), in most cases it helps us take the edge off. Understanding that being human is complicated, and that we are all frightened and fragile whether we show it or not, helps ease the burden of needing everyone (including ourselves) to be perfect.

Stage fright~ Are you the type that thinks of the right thing to say or do after the fact? Like, you think of what you should have said, but freeze up and blank out and end up a mess? Then you need to rehearse your lines! Doesn’t matter who you are, when we are upset we don’t think clearly. No matter what awaits you, try and do a dress rehearsal so you can be prepared for anything. Write it down and carry it with you so you don’t get blindsided. And practice all the way there, and maybe even the day before if you have to. “No, Uncle Bart, I am not drinking right now. Thank you.” or “That’s lovely; I wish you both every happiness!” or “Congratulations on your new part in the upcoming porn film, I am sure you’ll be a great success.”

Let the train go down the track~ Need to make an appearance because it’s the right thing to do and aren’t interested in feeling, dealing or healing, or even saying the right thing right now (you know what they did, they know what they did, period)? I always say, when there’s a train coming down the track, get out of the way. Take a few deep breaths, count to ten, get something to eat, help in the kitchen, make call to someone who can help calm you down; and if that doesn’t work, excuse yourself, go straight to the bathroom, and re-group. Before you say or do something you will regret, remind yourself like a mantra, “Why should you always take the high road? Because that’s the kind of person you are.” Otherwise, leave town and send a Christmas card.

Have a pity party~ Speaking of leaving town: you might be fed up, feel the urge to fall apart, say the wrong thing, make a scene, behave badly, act inappropriately for the first time in your life, storm off and leave, or just stay in bed and wait for January. I say, let yourself have it. Maybe what you need is a little pity party. Go for it. Pick a start time and an end time and go for it. Maybe letting yourself feel what you’ve been stuffing is in order. Maybe you need to attend to some of what’s bottled up before it causes more damage to you or anyone else. Heck, you could invite some friends and just have a big negative merge! Who knows, it may be just what the doctor ordered.

Do overs~ If I feel like I can’t pull it together, or am unable to say something tactfully or gracefully, am intolerant, or simply full of crap and can’t get out of my own way, I ask for a “do over.” I attempt the right behavior, but if I can’t get it right, I will say something like “That didn’t come out right, I am so sorry, can we try that again?” Or “Maybe it’s better if we talk about this another time.” Then there’s always Plan B. I leave and try again next year… Give yourself permission to do what you have to do to take care of yourself!!

Bottom line: during the holidays, there is no more pain to be felt than at any other time of year. According to John James’ “Grief Recovery Handbook,” this is a fact. There are simply many visible associations with painful memories that keep us trapped in our habitual thinking. If we can remember that we are all connected, that most of us are doing the best we can, and that most of the pain and suffering we experience is a projection, we are less likely to take things personally and more prone to create connection rather than greater separation!

Avoid a mystical hangover this holiday season – watch Maryanne’s advice from author Roger Housden:

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Design Your Life

Can a Bad Relationship Make You Sick?

12/11/2009

There are so many ways in which relationships affect our overall health. Recent studies have shown how coupling can add years to your life, boost your immune system and even help with anxiety and depression. Naturally one might wonder what influence the end of relationship might have on your health and wellness.

Most of us don’t have to think to hard to conjure injurious feelings about a relationship gone bad. And while the pain and grief due to botched relationship vary from one individual to the next, we need to explore our baseline beliefs about everything rather than jump to overly simplistic ideology. “My relationship ended, it felt bad and now I am sick because of it,” is precisely the kind of unexamined thinking and superficial generalization that spins us into imbalance in most cases.

For example, most of us don’t take into account how we arrived to relationship. Did we come healthy and balanced? Did we know who we were, what we wanted, were we purpose-driven and spiritually and emotionally actualized? Did we know how to sleep alone, be alone, fulfill our needs ourselves, and understand that we are responsible at all times for our own reality? Had we taken care to understand the complexity of human emotions and feelings and how to maintain inner peace and harmony BEFORE we met our beloved ~ would they have thrust the blade, turned it and left us for dead? I suspect, should you honestly ask yourself these questions, I think not.

Rather, most of us sidle up to our relationship candidates, seducer or seductress in full force, selling some version of ourselves we find acceptable and hopefully lovable so as to better secure our hostage. The person that will make it all better, soften life’s hardships, ease our fear, anxiety, help lift our depression etc, in exchange for ~ well, whatever we sell it for. How much do we pay to have someone comfort us in the night because we are afraid to be alone, to walk our path alone; to have someone hear us, see us, love us, accept us, celebrate us? We rarely think of this, as we are seduced ourselves into the story of Happily Ever After, hopefully swept into bliss where we can hide or be transformed there, rather than in the suffocating truth of aloneness.

Yes, we are safe from many ailments in relationship for a while, but most of us come to find, “wherever you go, there you are.” Eventually, whether in relationship or not, whatever shadows you have run from/tried to camouflage or hide/temporarily derailed/quelled return. Only, oddly, we look at our partner and think they now are the culprit! The relationship ends and we pick up where we left off. The same anxiety returns, the depression, low self-esteem, loneliness, etc., etc. Our symptoms multiply in the wee hours of the night when we are unable to distract ourselves, until perhaps we manifest an ailment we can point at and say, “Look at this, I am alone, therefore I am ill and out of balance!” Round we go chasing our tail (or tale), not quite seeing that it is alone we must be to know we are never alone ~ it is with ourselves we must know who we are and not. It is in our own presence that we must ultimately embrace the truth; that the wound of separation, when not seen for what it is, keeps us “Chasing Amy” (illusions) and never knowing the freedom, balance or joy that is available in sickness and health, until death do you part.

Video

To see Maryanne talking about the need to “go where you’re frightened,” watch this video:

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Design Your Life

Five Male Myths Finally Busted

12/08/2009

There are a number of myths out there floating around about guys and gals ~ usually perpetuated by members of the opposite sex. Some have a bit of rooting in fact, while others don’t. Here, I debunk a few myths about males.

Top 5 male mating myths

All the good ones are taken

A man’s penis has a mind of its own

All men only want one thing

Men are dogs

Good guys are boring

So let’s start at the beginning:

All the good ones are taken

Let’s start with the word ALL. Right away, this sweeping generalization has to tip you off to the fact that’s it not even possible to get around to all 3.4 billion members of the male population to test this ridiculous yet popular notion. Instead, this is an idea conjured from a deeply lacking mentality. I have never believed this. Rather, I thought “So many men, so little time.” And so it was true for me. Energy flows where attention goes, right? So maybe you need to switch up your internal chitchat. Remember, water seeks its own level—like attracts like! OUCH, I know, that stings, and sucks to be with. You may want to consider that perhaps your belief that there are no great ones available is simply a clever way to avoid looking at who you are being and why you attract the kind of men you do. Man up, ladies and take a good look in the mirror. You may not like what you see, but know this—until you do, in the long run, neither will anyone else!

A man’s penis has a mind of its own

Really. This may be the world’s oldest excuse for men behaving badly. Want proof? Set up an interview with one (a penis, that is). I think you’ll find your subject disappointing, aside from one rather impressive calisthenic move. Bring a tape recorder in case you’re the one person in history that will get one to talk instead of drool. Be reminded, ladies, of the definition of mind: That which is responsible for one’s thoughts and feelings; the seat of the faculty of reason.” Should any man want to argue that his penis is the seat of his faculty of reason, RUN!

All men only want one thing

That’s so insulting, not to mention untrue. Donald, my fish, wants more than that. Think about it. If it were true, men would never get into relationships, never marry; heck, never leave their houses, and Vaseline stock would be worth billions. Yes, men love sex, most people do—but don’t sell yourself short.
It may very well be that you have learned (as many women do) to value that most about yourself, and therefore attract men who place that extremely high on their priority list. Again, go to the mirror. What do you value most about yourself –really? What do you believe? The man you attract will simply reflect this belief. How much time and energy do you spend trying to be attractive and alluring? Get a handle on your beliefs and check in with your archetypal seductress; maybe it’s time to re-group, re-prioritize and re-think what you’re putting out there. Lead with sexy, get sex. Lead with your magnificent, authentic, sacred self and, believe it, you’re 100 times more likely to attract the same!

Men are dogs

If you approach any man thinking he’s a dog or someone to be trained, you are in trouble. Relationships are challenging for most of us under the best of circumstances; don’t make it harder by starting out at a deficit, holding anyone you’re interested in such low regard rather than in their highest light. Great relationships require a huge deal of respect to make it over the long haul. If you suspect the person you are with to be operating out of their lower nature, move on. It’s the loving thing to do. We don’t need to pause and let them know what we think needs to be improved, or (in detail) how we feel about the way they are choosing to be. Just notice that it doesn’t jive with what you want for yourself in a partner and respectfully—GO. A great definition of Love I recently heard: Let others voluntarily evolve. WOOF!

Good guys are boring

Yeah, if you’re a drama junkie. Well, are you? My mother, God bless her, said something to me I have never forgotten. I made the mistake of telling her I was bored once, when I was probably 10 or 11. She smiled and looked squarely at my little face and said simply, “Well, honey, if you’re bored, you’re boring.” I don’t think I’ve been bored a moment since. My mother taught me the lesson of a lifetime; that I am the only person responsible for my delight, my joy, my entertainment and happiness. That the party is wherever I am. I will always be grateful. So many of us women think it’s a man’s job to manage our emotional thermostat. If you want romance, take a bath and light some candles, buy yourself some chocolate or flowers. And while you’re at it, you might want to take a hard look at your relationship history and patterns and explore your love imprint. Saying all men are boring is overly simplistic, and you may miss out on someone who is a sleeper, someone who just needs a while to warm up. Happy trails!

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Design Your Life

How Well Do You Know Yourself?

12/02/2009

Your relationship with yourself defines so many aspects of your life. So how is it? Do you know what you want and who you are? Do you have a strong sense of self? How do you know?

Think about your morals and values. Where are your limits and boundaries in life? What do you cherish or hold valuable?

What about your personal relationships? Who do you hold close to you and why? What traits do you value in a person? How do you interact in these relationships?

Picture your ideal life. What’s in it? Who’s there with you?

Think about your past, especially focusing on crucial events. How did you react then? How would you react now? How have you evolved as a person? Are you still hung up on something that happened in the past? Why? How will you get past it?

What goals do you have in life? Where do you want them to and what do you hope to learn?

What influences you in your life? The opinions of others or your own? Who inspires you? Why?

Think about your childhood and how you’ve been shaped as a person. How were you influenced as a child?

Where do your passions lie? What do you love doing? How can you do that for the rest of your life?

What should you do if you can’t answer these questions?

It’s time to do some soul searching and self analysis. One thing I find helpful is to make yourself a “Self Exploration Notebook” where you can write down all these questions and start to answer them as you think about them. Think of it as making a map of yourself. You can even go further and start to ask yourself different questions that really make you think. Try to take time to write in it every day and see what you come up with.

Consider yourself as the world views you. Think about what kind of an impact you’re making and how those closest to you view you. Think about how a complete stranger views you. Is it how you view yourself? If not, what’s different?

Take time to evaluate all of your relationships. Think about family ties, romantic relationships, and close friends. Are these healthy relationships? How do they impact your life?

Consider the endless possibilities that you are faced with in your life. You can do anything and with all those options you’ve got to sit down and think about them. Think about your happiness and the path that leads toward it.

Continue to get to know yourself better every day. Think about your actions and the drive behind them. Think about your choices and the reasons you make them. Think about your daily interactions and how they affect you. It’s never time to stop exploring. Your map is constantly changing.

Don’t give up. Even if you’re a stranger to yourself the benefits of finding who you are as a person are endless. It’s one of the most important things you’ll ever do.

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Design Your Life

What’s So Fake About You?

11/18/2009

What comes with knowing yourself? Oftentimes it’s too overwhelming and intimidating, and we return to our previous patterns. If we’re persistent enough to embrace who we really are, it can still be a lonely road. Sometimes, finding out the truth about ourselves just seems to be too much trouble. So we keep making the same mistakes and falling into the same patterns because we haven’t really unwound and understood the root of these patterns in the first place!

Someone once (or twice) said, know thyself. Let’s see; the Oracle of Delphi, Jesus, well, heck, about everybody worth mentioning has some twist on it. Why? Most of us who have been in therapy, read numerous self-help books, etc., are left being mostly acutely aware of what is wrong with us and eventually head back to the barn (what’s familiar). There is only so much we can take. And those of us who hang in there still complain of the loneliness and austere life it seems the road less traveled requires. “To Hell with it!” we say, “Life is short and I need a reward for all this vigilance and self-examination, arrgh…pass the Kool-Aid.” So, we continue the search, now seeking elsewhere for guidance, and perhaps decide Popeye was right, “I am what I am” and get on with life.

If knowing the truth and ourselves is that much trouble, I can’t be bothered: I have bills to pay, mountains to climb, kids to feed, men to seduce (who will hopefully rescue me from it all), women to charm (who will hopefully distract me from my failures), pounds to lose, wrinkles to conquer, a legacy to leave so I can get to Happily Ever After already. So we ditch Buddha for Santa Claus (& Popeye) and keep looking for the secret. “Know thyself, ha!” we mutter and join the proverbial “if ya can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” crowd.

We manage to skate for a while on our latest distractions: a new love interest, new job, new cosmetic procedure, sudden influx of cash, new handbag or project. Yet the gap between how we act and who we are widens, and no matter what we tell ourselves, eventually the suffering returns, most of it silent. And we wonder why. So we up the dues: get more sex, more stuff, more money, more attention, better projects, a different house, another baby, another job, travel (that’s it! I need a vacation!), a face lift, a tummy tuck, lose 20 pounds, a younger wife, get another degree, REDECORATE for God’s sake… THIS IS AMERICA! The pursuit of happiness is my birthright!

Beneath the façade of fake smiles and the it’s all good story swells the raging sea of discontent, the cauldron of disappointment, chilled by terror and fueled by resentment that things are not different. This cocktail is lethal—we chase it down with envy and regret as the elusive dream slips further away.

According to scientists, our daily behavior is 90% subconscious. From years one to five a projection reel spliced with trauma, false beliefs and genetic inheritance has been cast upon our nubile brains: the reel continually spins out our reality, like the daily press, in predictable neural loops over our lifetime. It seems who we are is simply who someone else (“they”) told us to be. Most of us were duped and now are understandably pissed, as we find interrupting these patterns and uncovering who we really are feels like trying to stop a nose-diving 747 jet with a diaphragm.

You might cry, “Why do I pretend to be more than I am, have more than I have? Why do I feel that I am not enough, why don’t I want what I have, how come happiness escapes me, why do I believe that when I get (blank) everything will be okay, but that never seems to come?” The good news is, what is fake about you is NOT who you are! Who you are is magnificent, eternal, and unique. Yet until we know this true self we feel trapped in a life directed by an unconscious dictator, our subconscious beliefs and patterns.

While you may be tired, overwhelmed and have no bandwidth right now as survival is taking its toll, as my mother would say, “Don’t give up 5 minutes before the miracle.” Here is an exercise that may help you reignite your search for freedom of being, as well as put some pep back in your step—the energy it takes to pretend to be someone you are not, be fake, is extraordinary.

What’s fake about me? Exercise

1. Get a piece of paper and write down all the things that are fake about you (you may burn after reading, of course). Examples might be that you are:

Fake skinny: you spend an inordinate amount of time watching your weight so that people will find you attractive or so you will feel loved or seen. You fear that if you were fat you would never be happy, popular, get a man, be loved or accepted.

Fake nice: you spend much of your time trying to make people like you, manipulating your circumstances by being nice so you can get what you want, while underneath you seethe with resentment or envy of those who don’t seem to care what others think.

Fake rich: you pretend to be successful, you have mortgaged your life so others will think you are a person of worth, you lease your car that you cannot afford, buy clothes to create a false image, live in a house beyond your means, etc.

You get the idea, go ahead and explore all the fake parts: fake smart, because you believe you need to know so you can hide your fear of being inept or stupid; fake pretty, in hopes of being perfect-looking so you can finally be important, special or loved; fake happy, because you know people don’t want to hear your problems and would never want to be around someone as depressed and messed up as you really feel. Fake straight, fake sexy, fake sensitive, fake caring, fake in control, fake good mom, fake happy marriage, fake great relationship, fake healthy, fake spiritual, and on and on. Let it out. You have an opportunity to relieve yourself of the burden of living this secret life by simply admitting it!

2. Be with it. Sit down with what’s fake about you and move deeper into it. Exaggerate it, even. Give it a voice. Let the fake part or parts have a turn telling you about themselves. You might be surprised at what they have to say!

3. Feel it. Whatever feeling or emotions come, let yourself have them. Like a wave, they will not hurt you; they will wash through you and heal you if you have the courage to feel them all the way. (It could be helpful to have an enlightened witness to share this part of the process with, someone you trust to your core.)

4. Allow it. Relaxing into this allowing, comes freedom. In the acceptance comes understanding and then compassion. Including all our parts allows us greater freedom of being. Developing unconditional love for ourselves expands our capacity for intimacy and joy.

5. Know this is not all of who you are. My teacher Kathy reminds me of this fact all the time. I feel relieved and all at once welcomed back to the human race and condition. We find our right size again. This perspective gives space for a sense of peace and well-being, room to breathe and dream forward your heart’s true desires again. Your soul shines, your authentic self is free to be!
Namasté and blessings, freedom seekers!

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Design Your Life

Making Mondays More Miseducated

11/09/2009

Monday jokes rain out of people’s ears at offices.. I don’t know how it is where you work but I’m sure whatever day the work week begins on someone’s complaining.

Instead of thinking of Mondays as a bummer, think of them as a beginning to your inspiration overload sessions every week — begin to plan fun and personal growth activities *as well as* work, errands, tasks, etc.

.. and if scheduling seems like absolute hell to you and you have no issues with procrastination.. simply pass to Step 2.

Want more mood therapy techniques like this?
Key to Living the Law of Attraction
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated
ALL Business is Show Business

Step 1

Schedule your day per hour — Write what you actually do beside it and next to that make 2 columns for you to rate how much pleasure you experienced during the activity and to what percentage you mastered it.

Again, make sure you allow time throughout the day for activities you look forward to.

Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette

Step 2

Incorporate more Miseducated whimsy and special you time into your Mondays.

Instead of taking a shower before you start your work day, take a bubble bath using sensitive Mr. Bubbles or your favorite bubble bath — play some inspiring music that you can hear while in the tub and brew a cup of earl grey tea.

Create your own (lots of recipes here!) or buy a new scented lipgloss to apply throughout the day, not just when lips are chapped! Think of ways to incorporate other new smells into your day such as an aromatherapy candle, nice-smelling lotion, sweet solid perfume, etc.

Master your skills. As you’re working imagine what you might do to keep on task better while still enjoying your day. For me this means the occasional walk-around break, snacks optional and listening to music or inspiring pod casts while I work.

Keep a little notebook in your purse or briefcase especially for inspiring sketches, notes and pieces of inspiring found-items. These little carry-along scrapbooks can be great sources of inspiration and remind you about experiences when you’re sitting down to work and communicate your ideas.

Decide that you’re going to rearrange a room in your home/apartment and surf online for delicious decor in your free time. Find ways to make your environment a little more you, a little more unique and much more inspiring! Sometimes just changing things up is very revitalizing.

My favorite movie since childhood, the delicious 80s glitter rock fest (The Labyrinth) complete with faeries and the rock king himself, always inspired me as everything, even the dirt, was covered in glitter. Sweeping your floor and feeling a little bummed? Sprinkle glitter in with the dust and even dust bunnies become just a little more magical.

It’s off to your local handmade market for you! Purchase some incense that smells great and a little decadent snack. When home, burn the incense as intended and relax near it reading and enjoying the occasional whiff of fragrant smoke. Don’t like incense? Try scented candles!

Write your best friend a good morning letter when you begin your work day. Chances are you’ll brighten her day as she is also at work and it’ll make you smile knowing she’s smiling. You might even get some sweet messages back throughout the day that make you feel wonderful for opening communication.

Grab a pack of post-its in your favorite color and write inspiring and positive messages to everyone signed, Happy Monday. Stick these on electric posts, subway windows, in your lover’s briefcase, on the milk in the fridge, on your coworker’s computer mouse, etc. <3 Don't overdo it, it's more special for those that find the surprises anyway. Kitty Rave! (both my and my best friend’s favorite way to wind down at night!) At night time when you’re relaxing and feeling a little excited that you’ve gotten through another Monday, turn up the dance music and dance around the house in your pajamas with your cat or dog. (my chihuahua gets really excited about this and bounces around the room) You’re getting exercise, they’re getting exercise and it’s really quite fun.. especially if you’re jamming to Kissy Sell Out. Often my husband even plays his electronic music live on kitty rave nights.

Have a great Monday!

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Escapeland Thankful for Monday

Thankful for Monday: Web Gratitude

11/06/2009

Gratitude journals are an easy task to add to your day that actually improves your happiness and gratefulness overtime. You begin take notice of what’s really important when you start writing down five things per day that you are thankful for.. whether you have a lot to be thankful for or not so many things.. it should help you evaluate what’s really important in your life for your happiness.

I definately keep a gratitude journal on my iPhone, it even lets you rate the day and attach a photo — great idea for bloggers! Imagine you rating each day and attaching a photo to symbolize it. What makes your days rate 5 (1-5)?

So since gratitude is always awesome I figured I’d attach some for the web world as well. I’m very thankful for the internet — without it my career would not exist. What better way to enjoy the wonderfulness of the world wide web than to appreciate 5 extra special places of interest each week?

Want to see something here? This could be related to humor, entertainment, design, diy, self-help, health, fashion, art,events, your call! If you want to let us know about your own blog or project, be sure to email us and you just might be listed here next Friday!

1

PaperCakes Finds (Cutie Girl Style post)
Chelsea is sweeter than sugar-coated gumdrops. When she told me her new finds list was inspired by me I was elated.. and then to see that the actual finds were snatched from my wildest dreams! This is exactly what I love the handcraft world because there is every kind of style, even my style, and they’re all made with the utmost care and precision of an artisan. Custom and one of a kind.

Instead of allowing someone to choose what is on the shelves we are choosing exactly what we want from the world and it makes us all a little bit more appreciative of the wonderful people making these amazing things. More empathy towards others is a huge thing to be thankful for — without it I would not have met many of the amazing people I’ve met on and offline.

2

Japan L.A.
One of the absolute cutest and most adorable pop culture shops right in L.A. They promote local artists and Japanese inspiration — two things I’m very passionate about. Absolutely adorable place, when I visited I couldn’t stop finding things to drop into my basket. I even found cute and well-loved gifts for MisterEducated and my best friend while there.

(Photo Copyright Twinkie Chan)

3

Twinkie Chan
If there were a more amazing decadent, pop art food textile designer I would be shocked. She creates adorable accessories that look good enough to eat sweet! Not only is she a diy-diva but she’s also a sweetheart to boot! I guarantee you’ll be drooling after you take a look at her creations!

4

Pupe Girl
A tasty little Japanese fashion site that you probably already know about but perhaps not.. you earn accessories and clothing by uploading photos of your own accessories and clothing as well as by participating in the community. It’s a cute Japanese social network based around fashion — what could be better?

5

Bento Box Guide
An ‘old skool’ website I was surprised to still find up! It’s a cute little guide on bento boxes and is absolutely aimed towards the beginner, yes even you can make them! So give it a try and be proud of your adorable, healthy lunch.

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