self-help – Page 6 – Miseducated

The Marriage Ref on Review

03/10/2010

I recently watched The Marriage Ref which premiered earlier this month on NBC. According to Wikipedia.com, the premise of the show involves real life couples who have been having an on-going fight for a long time. A video clip is shown to the three-member celebrity panel, showing both sides of the argument. The panel then discuss the merits of each side of the argument and vote on who they think is right.

While this show is one of the funniest I’ve seen in a long time and aims to do the right thing – give both sides a voice and listen to each argument – it doesn’t necessarily translate into creating change or fostering the proper habits for the couple. It starts to play off of what I call “Smart Heart Skills and Dialogue,” but they were not able to define and enact these skills. The Smart Heart Skills were validated but undone by the actors doing cheerleading into each other being right and wrong. Smart heart skills are not about being right and wrong as opposed to “walking in the others shoes” and making the person feel safe.

When I instruct couples to use Smart Heart Dialogue, it’s as a way to move beyond the anger and blame that typically is placed when an argument or disagreement comes to a stalemate. It can be used for smaller, more inconsequential arguments as well as larger conflicts, even when faced with infidelity.

Utilizing this type of dialogue is important in learning to fight fair as a couple. Fighting and disagreeing are not bad things, in themselves. Learn how to fight fair. It’s a misperception that fighting is bad; a relationship without passion enough to launch arguments likely won’t last for the long haul. However, arguing in the wrong way can also drive a relationship into the ground. I encourage having a weekly ten minute “Smart heart”-to-heart with a figurative emotional “bullet proof vest” to protect from hurt, anger and defensiveness, as you listen and echo back what you heard.

This type of discussion can open up the doors to putting the emotionality of a certain topic aside – whether it be finances, life decisions, career changes, fidelity, or a host of other things – and allow the couple to be honest with each other in a safe, loving space. Of course, this doesn’t mean that each person has a right to be angry and hurtful – quite the opposite. This exercise is designed to take the heated emotion out of a discussion so that the couple can share their feelings without a threat of emotion or anger getting thrown in the mix.

These types of habits can be the glue that helps to create passion in a relationship, even during and spite of disagreements and conflict. This may start out as basically as telling your partner you HAVEN’T been communicating these feelings and asking them to be patient with you while you learn how to go through this process. It may involve treating eachother with more respect, and being more mindful of the problems at hand during heated arguments.

Events Coming Up

April 4th at 9pm EST
Discovery Health Channel “Unfaithful” featuring Dr. Bonnie and her patients on adultery/cybersex.

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Design Your Life

Carpe Diem: Seize the Day

03/09/2010

There was a time in my life when wake-up calls would have to be pretty dramatic for me even to notice. I was so reluctant to come out of my little status quo cocoon, and it would take quite a crisis for me to wake up and see what was important. But in each of those instants where I would suddenly wake up, I’d see exactly what was important, how precious life is… only to crawl back in my cocoon again.

Nonetheless, those intermittent moments of being awake in time built up to help me change my life, and these days I use them as markers on my path, to remind me why I’m here and which direction I’m heading. If I wake up one morning feeling a little stiff or tired, instead of sitting around and moaning about how I’m getting older, I can go for a brisk walk and know that this is my body’s way of reminding me that exercise is important. If I don’t get something that I had asked for, I know that it’s either on its way, or something better is. I don’t sit and wonder whether I don’t deserve the things I want, or whether I’m just not good enough. Not holding back from loving someone was the hardest wake-up call of all, as I learned it when my father suddenly died at age 63. I had tried to punish him for not meeting my expectations of love, and I was waiting for him to come to the realization that I was right.

There are still still times when I’m aware that the path is never-ending, that one always has to practice vigilance in order to stay awake and be present. As I sit at my desk, I suddenly hear fire trucks in the distance, and I silently send out blessings to the rescue team and the people they are being sent out to rescue. Then I take a look at the collection of objects on my desk, and it’s fitting that the alarm of the sirens should make me take notice. Here are all the things that represent what I love, put there specifically so I will have a constant reminder, and yet sometimes I can lose focus until the sirens bring me back again. My pocket astrologer, a Buddha figurine, notes from friends and family, photos of everyone I love most, a small angel sculpture, and of course a few chocolates are all things I still see right through sometimes. But at least these days, the sirens are needed less and less, as my vigilance has supplemented my desire to be awake and present. For this I’m very grateful.

I’m reminded of a Zen story, one where all the masters gathered together to discuss where the Key of Life should be hidden. One master was adamant that the top of a mountain would be a great hiding place, but the others disagreed. Another master suggested that maybe the bottom of the sea would be better, but again he was met with unanimous dissent. Discussion went back and forth for quite some time, and finally, just when it seemed like all the good ideas had been used up and rejected, one master stood up. “I’ve got it!” he exclaimed. “Let’s hide the key in the one place that humans never search: inside themselves.” Everyone agreed that was the best place to place the key, and there it remains to this day.

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Ask Miseducated Design Your Life

Ask Miseducated: Who is more sexually evolved?

03/08/2010

Have a question you’re just dying to know the answer to? Want to discuss something extensively in email with us? Please send us an email and we’ll forward it to the appropriate Miseducated writer.

Reader

I’m very curious to hear why there is such a strong border at the point where one drops ones drawers. Why do you consider that to be the place where there is no turning back? If you look at aboriginal societies, and even at other naked societies like those of primates, obviously there are no drawers there to drop, and yet they manage to have quite evolved sexual societies, and they raise children who also grow up to understand sexuality in an intelligent way. So why is it so different for us?

Maryanne

This question of the line of demarcation is an important one, and to understand why dropping drawers is such an important boundary, we have to compare our culture to the ones of naked societies. Ted Bundy once said that he believed that violence against women would continue for as long as pornography exists in our society. There is a dehumanizing element in our media that makes us think of each other as objects, or worse, as predators and prey. This may explain why aboriginal and primate societies are more sexually evolved than we are – they are not exposed to these victimizing elements.

Unfortunately, we are not at the point yet where we can have a naked, peaceful, safe society, and there are no government warnings or instruction manuals for how to avoid the pain and suffering that people go through in relationships. In our current societal context, I can see a direct corollary between that suffering and the dropping of drawers. When people do not stop to consider the consequences, that’s when the suffering takes root. If we can find a way to resist this impulse a little longer, to pause and think about the responsibilities and consequences of sex, we will have a greater chance of creating healthy and lasting relationships.

Since we aren’t provided with a manual instructing us on the best ways to handle ourselves in this sexually complicated society of ours, I wrote Hindsight, What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers as a response to the need for people to have another way to react when they find themselves at that all-important line of demarcation. If we could just build our self-discipline to delay our gratification, we would find that there is freedom in that discipline, a way to make choices for ourselves that we cannot experience when we simply react to our initial impulses. If we can strengthen our muscles of self-discipline on a global scale, over time, there is the hop that we can evolve into a society that understands and values the things which are naturally sacred, rather than just stampeding over the line of no return.

But there’s another aspect to consider, as well, and that is the very fact that we are able to consider. That we have the capability to stop and think about our actions before we commit to them, is one of the chief differences between us and primates. We have the ability not only to delay dropping our drawers, but to decide not to drop them at all, if we don’t feel it’s best for us. But there is certainly a lot we can learn from the naked cultures of aboriginals and primates. If we can find good relationship models in those societies, who cares if they are not like us? If observing and learning from other people or even animals can help us determine the best time to drop our drawers, I can’t see that there is any harm in that!

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Design Your Life

Design Your Own Career: Part Three

03/02/2010

“To love what you do and feel that it matters–how could anything be more fun?”
– Katharine Graham

In Part One of this series we learned how to target our dream careers and in Part Two we sussed out the skills required to start achieving it. In Part Three we are going to focus on increasing your appetite and ability for learning, and how this translates into a fulfilling career.

Never Stop Learning

It is a common, often subconscious, belief that learning stops when you remove yourself from a traditional academic environment – be that school, college or university. But, for your dream career, this is absolutely not the case. You should always look at your career as a path, not simply a destination (if you saw the movie ‘Click’ then you’ll know the danger in that!)

However, this doesn’t mean you should constantly be striving ahead, rather than being content where you are – it is actually quite the opposite, it’s knowing that, when you reach a milestone, it is not the be all and end all, but merely a glorious bonus in a tapestry that stretches far beyond and around it.

When we stop learning, or being open to learning, in many ways we stop trying, we stop feeling challenged, we stop being creative and hopeful in our work, and therefore that work becomes dull, wearing, and a slog. Life is a continuous puzzle, and it should always be that way. The moment you feel you have it all sussed is the moment life becomes monotonous.

When thinking about learning within the framework of your dream career, it is necessary to look backwards as well as forwards – what type of learning got you to where you are now? What is the best direction to take the results of that learning?

Got a conventional education? Fantastic.

Just because you did what everyone said was the ‘sensible’ thing and got a qualification, doesn’t mean you aren’t still destined for a creative and unconventional career path. Standard curriculum education may have its faults, but it also has many benefits.

Take a wider look at your education – what has it taught you beyond the course title? Have you gained confidence, people skills, and a power for problem solving? If you start to look, you’ll realise there may be far more to your education than you thought, and you may start to see how those skills can transfer into a more creative, ‘designed’ career.

Not got a conventional education? No problem!

Learning is a personal journey, and it is certainly not found strictly within the confines of a classroom, or out of a traditional textbook. Find a genuine love for learning and you will find there are many avenues for self-education.

The likelihood is that you have built a wealth of real-life experience in place of a conventional education, and this can be just as much, if not more, value to your self-fashioned career than you think.

What Learning Looks Like

Learning comes in different formats. Learning can be alive and interactive and exciting – not just dusty equations on a blackboard. Learning is a frame of mind and, when you start to illustrate and intertwine your dream career into your life, you’ll realise there are lessons to be found all over the place.

Books – Fiction and non-fiction, books are perhaps the most straightforward way of gaining new insights within your field. Aim to read at least a book a month that is relevant to/impacts your career.
Internet – It’s easy to take the internet for granted, but we have more knowledge literally at our fingertips than we have ever had before. Take advantage of that.
Museums – Our culture, our ideas and our businesses are all built on our history, so educating yourself about the world you come from is a great tool for shaping the world you want for yourself.
Art Galleries – It is important to feel we are learning creatively just as much as it is to feel we are ingesting facts and figures. Gaining inspiration or knowledge from any creative medium can really help to inspire various elements of your career.
Film – Not merely a brain-dead way to pass a Saturday evening with a bucket of sweet or salted, cinema is a powerfully animated tool for teaching yourself about various careers, cultures, continents and more.
Music – Music and its history tells a story, it arouses our creative side and it is a thoroughly pleasurable way to learn about the world, so you’ve got no excuse to avoid it!
Travel and Real Life Experiences – These are perhaps the most valuable ways of learning as they remove you from your comfort zone, challenge you, and ultimately teach you about yourself.
People – That’s right, actual conversation and the ability to listen will pay dividends in almost any career. Always strive to learn from the people in your life, new and old; they have first-hand experiences you may never get the chance to live yourself.
Short, evening or residential courses – If you like the group learning environment then there are courses available within almost any niche. If you haven’t got the time or opportunity to physically attend courses, e-courses are becoming more and more popular.
Community Events – Getting involved in community events is the perfect way to tie together all kinds of forms of learning and, hopefully, build your career.

Putting Love into What You Do

So where does love come into all of this? Well, if you truly love your career, then an inherent hunger for improving within it is a given, and this is just another way of learning. Your dream career should feel fluid, organic and always fresh and exciting; that’s when you keep your appetite for it; that’s when you love it; and that is only achieved when you are open to learning.

The next and final part of this series will be all about making your passion pay – how to earn an income from doing what you love – so don’t miss out.

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Design Your Life

10 Ways to Brighten Your Days

02/25/2010

It’s easy for us to feel down with the daily grind of life. Especially if you’re working a full time job or constantly busy with school. It’s important to keep individuality in your life, regardless of your hectic schedule. It brightens up your world and makes you feel a little cheerier. So, what should you do?

Update your wardrobe, and don’t be afraid of color. Sometimes when I peer into the depths of my closet all I see is black, gray, and more black. Color is your friend, even if you’ve got the professional hat on. Don’t be afraid to buy something that catches your eye. If you’ve got a uniform to wear, put on some bright nail polish or find some lovely under things.

Change your hairstyle. Cut? Color? Go for it. Hair grows out so don’t be afraid to do what you want with it. One of the best confidence builders you can get is a great hair day.

Are you a hard working student? Get yourself some adorable school supplies. Check out Kawaii Gifts!

Keep a little journal with you to write down all the positive things that happen in your life. You can keep another one to vent too, but keep it separate. This one’s all about the positive. You can even write yourself little love notes to read on a rainy day.

Make like a Japanese school girl and give your cell phone a makeover. Check out Strapya World.

Start working some leg wear into your attire. Take a peek at Sock Dreams.

Find a pen pal. Send each other letters and cute little things in the mail. Instant day brightener.

Plan out your meals a little better. Working hard, being starving when it’s time for lunch, resorting to some greasy fast fast food & then feeling awful about it is an ultimate mood killer. Don’t skip breakfast either! Maybe it’s time to get into the art of bento boxes.

Clean out your life! Get rid of everything you don’t need. Donate! Your first assignment: clean out your wardrobe. Get rid of everything you don’t wear. This makes room for all your colorful updates.

Stop focusing so much on “practical” and “sensible” 24/7 and start caring more about what makes you happy. Don’t let things stand in the way of your joy! Happiness is the secret to life, after all.

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Design Your Life

Using Personality in Your Blog

02/18/2010

“No one can ever duplicate your personality, the way you do business and your attitude towards other people.” – Problogger

Having been recently approached by well-known companies about Miseducated, I began wondering, “should I begin to write more seriously?” I’d always used my artist blog to write professional articles about Indianapolis.. and Miseducated was always used as my true self — how I act with my close friends. I often make up words and expressions all the while using slang, jargon and nonsense. My articles here are all that stands of my ‘blogging life’ anymore, but I wonder, should I tone down my character a bit?

Then I decided that’s what Miseducated is, being true to your self. Experiencing your life to the fullest.

I could always write less personally, but if I did that then I’d have changed everything I enjoy about what I do. I have written many serious pieces in the past both for education and personal purposes, they sit for months unnoticed in a folder marked ‘work’ and rarely see light. (I insisted as an undergrad that I could not write yet my professors adored everything I churned out.) I get bored easily and I must be doing what fuels my creativity. Thoughts onto paper. Sometimes unorganized thoughts onto paper but nevertheless, honesty and personality.

Go ahead and start a blog for hobby or sheer entertainment, see where it goes. In this amazing world wide web we all have the opportunity to publish our thoughts and work, if you catch the eye of others it can be endlessly shared and enjoyed around the world.

Get a move on

Working Girls by Gala Darling
7 Reasons Why Personal Blogs Rock at Problogger
Adding a Personal Touch to Your Blog at Problogger

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Design Your Life

Just Say No to Negativity

02/17/2010

In order to focus on the positive aspects of my life, one of my main goals (and a tough one to tackle most of the time) is to get rid of the negativity in my life. As you know, negative can come in many, many forms and a lot of these forms are out of your control. Negative thoughts are sneaky little devils, creeping into our minds and trying with great persistence to lead us away from the positive. And, unfortunately, once we open the door to one negative thought, a bunch of others seem to sneak in.

So how can you stop the negativity from taking over? Here are some things I try to remember when I’m tempted to embrace negative thoughts:

Negativity is boring. For most people, it is easier to be negative than it is to be positive. Most people give into (and, in fact, often embrace) negativity, and end up giving up negativevibes. Their attitudes and actions become negative. If you are thinking negatively, you are like so many other people — taking the easy path. The easy path is not only uninteresting, but it is also detrimental to your well-being (even though, at the time, it may feel satisfying to giveinto that negative emotion or thought).

Negativity is unattractive. People like happy people; it’s a fact. Would you rather be around someone who is grumpy and moping and complaining or would you rather spend time with someone who is uplifting and always looking for the good in a situation? Exactly. People don’t want to be around negative people so you will be a lot more popular (with others and with yourself) if you keep a positive attitude.

Negativity is pointless. Being negative does not get you anywhere. There is absolutely nothing to be gained from looking at the negative side of things. While the positive may, at times, be idealistic, it forces your brain to think about happiness and increases the positivity in your emotions and actions. Thinking negatively does not. It does absolutely nothing for you, so why do it?

Negativity is tiring. Think about about happy thought. Now think about a sad one. Which thought was more draining? Emotionally and physically, thinking negatively can take it’s toll on our minds and bodies. While it sometimes feels like the easier thought to embrace, the more negative thought will ultimately cause more harm than good because it will allow your mind to be open to other negative thoughts. One negative thought can lead to another and before you know it, you are emotionally drained from thinking thoughts that make you upset, sad, or angry.

Negativity is time-consuming. Even though a lot of the time it is a negative thought jumps to the forefront of our minds, it actually takes a lot more time to think about things from a negative perspective. For example, if you allow yourself to think about what might go wrong in a situation, it’s very likely that your mind will wander to all of the other possible scenarios in which something could go wrong. You will then begin to worry about those scenarios and attempt to think about ways to solve potential problems. You will have spent time stressing about situations that may or may not happen — all because you let in one negative thought. Not only will you be wasting time and emotional energy, but you are also allowing yourself to live too much in the future, a place that is completely unknown and completely unworthy of your worrying thoughts.

Now that we’ve looked at some of the reasons not to be negative, let’s think about some ways to avoid negativity. One way is to concentrate on your thoughts and emotions and take control of them. Focus on remaining positive and living in the present moment. For more on these, see my post on mindfulness. Another way to avoid negativity is to communicate with others. As I have mentioned, clear communication often avoids conflicts and avoiding conflicts can avoid reasons to stray into negative territory. In addition, negativity can be avoided by having something positive to focus on other than your thoughts. If you like to walk, take a walk. If you have a favorite TV show, watch it. If you have a friend who always cheers you up, call him or her. Sometimes the easiest way to avoid the negativity creeping into your life is to distract yourself from it. There is a fine line between distracting yourself and ignoring a problem, but if you are certain the negative thoughts will not lead to a productive understanding of a situation, person, or problem (which is most often the case), it is best to avoid the thoughts altogether.

Negativity can be hard to escape. Not only do we have our own minds to contend with, but we must deal with those around us who can be negative, we must tackle negative environments or situations, and we must deal with negative images in the media. However, there are many ways to avoid negativity. Whether it is removing yourself from a situation or taking the time to think about your own viewpoint, removing (or, at the very least, lessening) negativity is an essential step to embracing a positive life.

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Design Your Life

Single for Valentine’s Day

02/12/2010

“Where can you go to meet people if you’re single?” the reporter asked. He was writing a column about Valentine’s Day, and I had agreed to help him out.

“It depends on what you’re looking for,” I replied. “The right place for you to go may not be the right place for anyone else. I mean, I couldn’t recommend a restaurant for you until I know what kind of food you like! There’s no point in telling you to go to my favorite seafood restaurant if you hate fish.” This is the problem with the singles community: many people think that there’s one magic place out there to meet the right people, and that the same solution should work for everyone.

Sure, that approach is fine if you’re not terribly picky about whom you end up with, but most of us probably want something a little more specific. In that case, you have to take the time to identify what that specific thing is, what you want and what would make you happy. Once you are clear about your own feelings and desires, then it’s time to go out and find people who share those same values. Ask yourself, where would those sorts of people hang out? Those are the places that you need to go. If you surround yourself with like-minded people and let your true self shine through, a lot of great things will start happening.

“But how can single people cope with being alone on Valentine’s Day?” he wondered.

“There’s no coping necessary if you think of Valentine’s Day as a celebration,” I said. “Just like any other aspect of life, you can choose to be positive or negative. If there’s no one pampering you, do it yourself! Get out there and have the things you want, buy yourself flowers, get spa treatments, or whatever makes you happy. Life will turn around and treat you exactly how you treat yourself, so this is a perfect chance to give yourself some love and attention. If you are true to this intention and stick with it, you’ll attract the right people sooner than you realize.”

He asked again about the best places to find romance, so I tried repeating my point in a different way. “The place you need to find romance is inside yourself. There is nothing out in other places except a reflection of what’s within you. So the focus needs to be inward, taking care of yourself and what you want, and then focusing on putting that message out into the world. If you go out knowing exactly who you are and what you’re looking for, you will end up at the right places to find those things and people.”

The reason people keep finding the same disappointment again and again is because they keep looking in random places and settling for things they don’t really want. So if you want to do this right, find your real self first, focus on what makes you truly happy, and go out concentrating on doing what you love.

In short: it’s about what’s within you, not about what’s out there. Focus in the right direction and you’ll start having the things you want reflected back to you!

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Design Your Life

How to Look Gorgeous Instantly

02/08/2010

Do you want to catch the eye of everyone around you? Do you want to appear happy and healthy (even if you’re plagued with the flu and totally bummed out)? Do you want to look absolutely gorgeous without makeup, without a chic outfit, and without any effort? Well here’s how!

The first step to instant beauty is CONFIDENCE. Even if you aren’t confident in yourself, looking confident makes you feel confident. At the beginning of each day, take a minute to pause and say to yourself, “This is MY day. I can do whatever I want with this day, and I’m going to succeed.” Starting each morning this way will give you a confidence boost that will last all day long, and can give you the spring in your step needed to appear confident to the outside world.

Another thing that makes you look instantly gorgeous is SMILING. Make it a goal to smile every single day. Smile at strangers. Smile at friends. Smile at family. Even smile at your pets! Smiling makes you seem approachable, down to earth, and friendly. And nothing is more attractive than that! Also, simply smiling makes you happy. Smiling also leads to laughing, which can make you even happier.

A third key that can instantly improve your appearance is POSTURE. People that walk around with their shoulders slumped and their eyes to the ground don’t look very appealing, do they? Instead, roll your shoulders back, keep your head held high, and look straight ahead. This makes you look ready to take on the world, and feel that way too!

My last tip is to drink a lot of WATER. This will keep your skin glowing without any makeup. Drinking water helps clear your body of toxins, so your skin will look fresh and gorgeous. It not only makes skin look ravishing, but it’s also incredibly healthy and can help with many other things.

Try these tips and you will see an instant difference! You don’t need expensive makeup, fancy clothes, or dramatic hairstyles to look beautiful. Just be confident, healthy, and enjoy your day! People will definitely take notice.

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Design Your Life

Finding Wisdom in Wonderland

02/06/2010

Alice in Wonderland is my favorite movie. Yes, I prefer the Disney version, but I do love all things Alice. While many little kids were scared of the film, I sat watching intently, in awe of the oddness of it. I wondered what it would be like to fall down a rabbit hole into a world where everything made no sense. As I got older, I realized that this world had quite a bit of nonsense in it and I wondered if, perhaps, I was already down the rabbit hole. Everything about the world — both Alice’s and my own — fascinated me. As I grew up, I focused less on trying to understand her world and more on trying to understand my own. However, there are a few good lessons in Lewis Carroll’s fictitious work that I think can apply to us, here in the real world.

For Christmas, my friend Christina gave me a beautiful Alice in Wonderland journal that she picked up, I believe, at Alice’s Tea Cup in New York City. (Thanks, Christina!) It’s filled with wonderful quotes from the book and I absolutely love it. When I cracked it open recently and flipped through it’s pages, I came across five particularly wonderful quotes that I realize had a great deal to do with living our lives in a positive way. Reading them gave me five great ideas about life and I thought to myself, “Hey! I better share these tips!” So here they are…

Decide where you want to be going.

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?” “That depends a good deal on where you want to go,” said the Cat. “I don’t much care where–” said Alice. “Then it doesn’t much matter which way you go,” said the Cat. “–so long as I get somewhere,” Alice added as an explanation. “Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, ” if you only walk long enough.”

Do you know where you want to go in life? I have an idea, but not a certain, definite path. As the Cat says, if you don’t know exactly where you want to go, you could end up just about anywhere. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but if you do have some sort of direction you want to be headed in, you should probably start going that way, rather than just trying to get anywhere. No one but you can point you in the direction or path that is right for you. Figure out what your path is and get on it! No one can do it but you.

Alice-in-Wonderland-1951-alice-in-wonderland-1758984-640-476

Stop doing things that get you nowhere.

“It takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place.” – The Red Queen

What do you do that keeps you in the same place? Do you want your life to change but you keep doing the same things over and over again? I know that happens to me. I complain about things that I can control. For example, I feel sick when I eat ice cream. I know this, but I eat it anyway and then I complain. It’s a lot of working to feel sick, but I keep it up. Why? I’m not quite sure, but I do know the Queen is right. Sometimes it feels easier to keep doing what you’ve been doing because it’s comfortable, but it’s actually a lot of work. Are you in an unhappy relationship? Think about how much time and effort and mental energy that takes just to stay where you are. It seems like it would be hard to leave, but, really, it’s harder to stay. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve in life.

Believe in what seems impossible.

“There’s no use in trying,” Alice said, “one can’t believe impossible things.” “I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was your age, I always it it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

How many of us are like Alice, so certain that something is impossible that we don’t even give it a try? People who succeed in life do so because they try and because they have a good attitude. They make an effort. They do, rather than just think about doing. This is hard though. Trust me, I know. I want to be a writer. I want to write magazine articles about topics I’m interested in. I want to write novels that people love and relate to. While I’ve drafted some articles and even written a novel, have I really done anything to pursue my dream? I often sit back and say to myself, “Oh, that probably won’t happen so I guess I’ll just stay where I am.” I’m doing some writing so it’s fine. Nope. This is not fine. My dreams — though they may be grand — are not impossible. And neither are yours so do something about it!

Know who you are.

“Dear, dear! How queer everything is today! And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I’ve changed in the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I’m not the same, the next question is ‘Who in the world am I?’ Ah, that’s the great puzzle!” – Alice

Who are you? Ah, the great and mind-boggling question. Do you really know who you are? I’m not sure anyone really 100% knows who they are, though some of us have a better idea than others. If you’re reading this blog (and weren’t already turned off by the crazy Alice in Wonderland nonsense I’m spewing here), you’re most likely a thinker, a soul-searcher. You want to know who you are which puts you a HUGE step ahead of most people, who just move through life not knowing and not caring who they are. Keep exploring yourself and trying to learn more about you. Everything you learn about yourself can help you in life. It helps in your job, your relationships, your health, and your happiness.

Learn how to communicate with others.

“You should say what you mean,” the March Hare went on. “I do,” Alice hastily replied. “At least I mean what I say. That’s the same thing you know.”

Is saying what you mean and meaning what you say the same thing? I’m pretty sure it’s not. You should think about this: do you really say what you mean? do you really mean what you say? Communication, for me, is tough. I don’t always say what I mean either because I am afraid to or because I’m not sure exactly what I mean. This always leads to confusion and problems. It’s much better to take some time to figure out what you mean than to just say things that may be the opposite of, or not even related to, what you mean to say. On the other hand, it’s important to mean what you say. When you tell someone something, mean it. Don’t just speak to speak.

As you can see, there’s a lot to be learned from Alice and her adventures in Wonderland. If you haven’t already read the book and seen the movie, you should definitely do so. It’s pretty interesting and thought-provoking. I guess this is another example of how we can learn from the world around us. Not only can we learn from the people in our lives and our own experiences, but we can learn a lot from books and music and quotes and films. Pay attention. There’s a lot out there that can teach us if we just take the time to be aware of it.

One suggestion I have for you is to think about your favorite book or film or even quote. Why does that mean so much to you? What about that book/film/etc. do you really like? You would be surprised how much you can learn about yourself when you take the time to think about the things that you like in your life. We are all so different and we all really enjoy different things, and there are reasons for this. There is a reason that you like what you do so think about it and you may be surprised how much you can learn about yourself.

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