Me to Me: Stop Stifling Yourself To Make Others Happy

07/15/2020

It’s been quite a long while that I’ve been on this journey of self acceptance. Long ago there was an anonymous submission area on my blog and I got the sweetest message from a reader who said, “I wish you would be yourself and embrace it instead of hiding behind _____.”

I did hide. I hid behind my mom as a child, I hid behind Ben (my first love) as a teen/young adult, and I even hid behind Audrey Kitching and some other friends I did design for (I wasn’t as codependent with them) online and played with offline. I gave Audrey my illustrations and original artwork, I sent her inspirations daily, I blogged for her, I designed for her. We were close then, but I was always in the shadows. She would sometimes copy other designs from other artists and I didn’t want to promote any of my work because I was afraid if I took credit for my Tokyolux cats, designs, and pop art that it would be assumed I was taking credit for ALL of the copies as well.

That often happens to people who were traumatized in their youth. I was happy to create amazing things that everyone loved as long as I got to be in the background and no one really knew me.

When going through divorce or trauma it’s easy to do whatever you can to forget your memories and the pain. Embarrassingly enough, I imploded and “acted a fool.” I even pushed a lot of those friends in that community away back then. I met them all one last time at a Sanrio VIP party right near the end of my shadow self life. I was tired of being in the box I allowed myself to be placed in and I just freaked out and ran away.

I closed my store and I stopped updating my website. I fell off the online world to hide from it and isolated myself.

Now I’m 35 and I feel like I’ve been starting all over the last few years. I started traveling again and participating in shows in LA and NYC again (prior to the CORONAVIRUS of course). I started reconnecting with my old friends again. Like actually connecting. As myself.

I also started, 3 years ago, doing work for myself and I’m learning how to be comfortable promoting ME and MY WORK. IT’S HARD. It’s hard everyday. I often slink away and still struggle with quieting myself because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what you will think of me or what you will say if I’m not who you expect or want me to be…

… but I’m done with that! I’m pushing myself harder each day to be MYSELF for ME. Not anyone else. I’m set on not becoming anything for anyone else. Except of course a loving mom who encourages her daughters to be powerful and NEVER stifle theirselves for ANYONE.

Thanks for coming along. I hope you brought snacks. xx

I haven’t released this anywhere else yet! The new Deericorn pendant at long last!!!

2 Comments

Design Your Life Diary

I’m Not Telling You About Miseducated Monday

01/02/2020

I’m not. I’m also not going to tell you about how I made a promise to myself to blog more. That if anything I should just choose a day and devote that day to blogging. Because then, at least on that day, I would be continually making new content.

No, I’m not going to tell you because I started this plan WAY BEFORE New Year and I already didn’t follow through. I don’t want you to look at me as a lazy blogger, you see. Especially because I am a very lazy blogger and I intend to change.

What is your New Years resolution? Don’t give yourself a lot. Don’t make a list. Nothing is more off-putting than an endless list of ways you expect yourself to change. No. Choose 1-3 things you plan to focus on improving about yourself or your life this year. Do that. Don’t “Lose 20 lbs eating healthy and exercising at least 5 times a week” yourself. Don’t “Stop eating sugar, drinking wine, and smoking” yourself.

Personally, that is one sure way I will not succeed. We have to make it easier. You can always add another goal after you achieve the first one. You don’t need an endless list of things you must do to accept yourself or feel accomplished. No.

My 2020 Resolutions:

Blog on Mondays
Make a gratitude list of at least 5 items each day.
Be more open hearted. Tell people what they mean to you more often. Love more. Judge less.

What is on your list? What is your main focus of self-growth this year?

Happy New Year!

All of the cute diner food is from Baby’s which used to be Talbott Street, our favorite club! Check it out this year!

Baby’s Indy

2147 N Talbott Street
Indianapolis, Indiana 46202

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Business Features Features Self Decoration

Miseducated presents Tokyolux-Style T-shirts 2020

11/19/2019

With Audrey Kitching as the brand frontrunner, I designed a lot of the designs you used to buy from the brands/stores Tokyolux, Coco de Coeur, and Lazy Bones Vintage.

It was rumored that she stole ideas — she would give me sketches occasionally and I would create them or I would send her my ideas. The cats and roses, for example, were created by me. I designed and created those. These designs were all completely original and well-loved. I do not have examples of her stealing. We created.

Tokyolux was featured in fashion magazines around the world, donned by celebrities, and sold in stores on Melrose in Los Angeles. It was all so fast. Then, as fast as it started, our doors were closed.

I never got the full story from any party but I was told orders were not being sent out and the brand image was damaged.

I will say that Audrey has continued to be kind to me so I will not speak on recent articles about her dealings with others. This isn’t about that! She has always been kind and giving to me, both in person and online.

I went on to do Audrey Kitching Los Angeles, and after that, Crystal Cactus (which I have not been involved in the “design of” since the very beginning).

I have so many designs that I was unable to create, use, or complete. I am at a time in my life where I would like to make these available to the public and those who loved Tokyolux.

These are both new and original designs never before released on new shirts, clothing, and accessories. I am now opening a division of Miseducated for t-shirts and fashion. These are one of a kind designs. made in house, solely by me. Some of our clothing will feature Pop Cult icons from our pin collection. Others will be similar to the designs you loved and adored from Tokyolux and Coco de Coeur.

Preorders for the first design are here. Stay tuned.

4 Comments

Thankful for Monday

Thankful for Monday: All You Need is Love

09/19/2011

I’ve been working and writing like crazy. Audrey’s Tokyolux has recently relaunched (yay! cosmic kitties!) and I’ve also been asked to work on a writing project unrelated… Remember that book I’ve been talking about for so long? Well, it’s finally unfolding.. scary, huh? Actually it’s so scary that I’m not sure I’ll be able to do it. To be that open about everything. I’m very seriously considering running in the opposite direction as I’ve already begun to do.

Thankfully my partner in crime asked me out to flea market yesterday so I could think about other things, kitschy-cute things. Retro fabric and kitten valentines all waiting for us to arrive. Vintage stacks of greeting cards and magazines just waiting for us to peek through them and squeal.

And with that my five favorite things this week are a little cheesy and cliche but they are my favorite things none the less. They keep me afloat when I want to drown in my own gloom.

Family

My very favorite thing. The light of my life is the little family my husband and I have created.

Friends

Friendship can unfold a colorful happiness in anyone’s life. You can never have too many friends and a best friend is a rare and fanciful treasure that will endlessly delight your days because they know just how to make you laugh.

Iced-Coffee

Oh how it puts me in the right state of mind..

Work

My hobby, passion and what I spend most of my time doing.

Balcony

I’ve always been obsessed with balconies. When I visited Paris how I loved to stare at the gorgeous apartments and their breathtaking little balconies. Whether yours is a place to relax, garden or share a meal; balconies are great little outside boxes overlooking the world.

What made this week magical for you?

1 Comment

Diary Wear the World

Wear the World, Giveaways and Siren Love

04/27/2011

Hello! How are you doing today? I’ve been busy preparing items for an upcoming gallery and doodling psychedelic cats for Tokyolux’s new line.

It’s been quite awhile since I’ve uploaded any photos of myself so I thought I’d update with an outfit finally, as I’ve really been meaning to do for quite a long time. Today’s outfit is brought to you by Tokyolux — the sweater was a gift from Audrey. I love it, it’s large and comfortable.

After these photos were taken I proceeded to burn my tights (accident) so I’ll be uploading a DIY distressed tights tutorial soon~

As you can see I’ve also added a sneak peek photo of our upcoming giveaway! A couple more items are on the way but I just couldn’t wait to show you what cute items we’ve received already. The giveaway will be taking place this spring so stay tuned for more information on that in the future!

Lastly, Siren London sent me a package stuffed full of their amazing clothing samples which I’ll also be featuring later. If you’ve never checked Siren out do so now, you’ll drool! They are the cardigan queens.

3 Comments

Diary

We Each Have Our Flaws

02/22/2011

She got so banged up in the move..

I’m currently in the process of obsessing about my window garden. I’m going to make window boxes to line my balcony and I’ve got the strawberries already growing in my AeroGarden.

I’m also working like crazy on the next Tokyolux line which I already want in my closet.

Colette is squealing in the background, this actually inspires me more than anything else.

Outside I can hear the geese squawking.. we live on the water now. This is a completely new thing for me and I like it. I’ve settled down quite well in this place with the huge, arched windows and sidewalk right to my best friend’s house. How could I not?

Yet still I cannot seem to shake that horrible feeling that permeates my entire body.

… and it’s tough. It’s tough getting help. Tough relinquishing this hold you have on your past. Tough getting through all of the small talk so you can get to the good stuff. I’m getting there and I can feel it.. but because of everything I have blocked out is holding me back. Someday I will have to accept the past and move on.

I just love being embarrassingly honest with you because I know in some ways it pays off. I would rather help you by sharing my own story; together we can conquer anything.

2 Comments

Artist & Designer Features Visual Splendor

Audrey Kitching Knows Fashion Blogging

01/04/2011

Audrey is one of the sweetest girls I know. She’s always been able to fit in a brainstorm or girl chat into her busily-blogging lifestyle. She’s a cat lover, a fashion addict and a teenage icon. Lately, she has been putting a lot of time and energy into her new lines Tokyolux and Coco De Coeur (if you haven’t taken a peek yet get ready for an eye-candy overload).

If im inspired by something I dive into it without hesitation!

You’re a blogger and always have something new to say, how do you maintain your blog and all of your websites with so little free time?
Its something I love to do. I wake up and I’m thinking of fashion ideas, styles and shoots. I live it. I don’t mind having little free time because I enjoy what I’m doing so much. It’s not a chore by any means, when I’m out of town or away from a computer I crave it.

Ever since we became friends we’ve been totally connected.. is friendship something important to you with your lifestyle?
Of course, I’m just really careful who I let into my life. Living in Los Angeles people befriend you for the wrong reasons and it’s actually hard to find people who just want to order takeout and watch a movie. I have hundreds of acquaintances and a handful of friends.

How do you find new inspirations to blog about?
From everywhere and everything. I’m always watching movies, listening to music, researching, buying magazines. It’s an overload of inspiration everyday. I never have the problem of being uninspired, if anything im over inspired and it makes my head spin!

What’s inspiring you right now?
Marie Antoinette, the ocean, 60s, mods, punks, 90s vogue, japan street style, velvets, lace, tea partys, the germs, cat ladies … I just watched this documentary on cat ladies and it was out of this world. One lady was living with 123 cats! My inspirations are all over the place. Im never inspired by one idea, I take everything and mix it into something new.

Are you miseducated and why?
I’m miseducated because I do things my way. I’m a Leo; I was never a follower. If im inspired by something I dive into it without hesitation!

I’m miseducated because I do things my way. I’m a Leo; I was never a follower.

2 Comments

Business Features Self Decoration

Tokyolux Lookbook: Rainbow Cats are Taking Over

12/15/2010

Hello, creative collective. So thanks to a lot of work another one of my goals are coming true.. taking over the world with cats, rainbows and other kitschy deliciousness.

I know a lot of you love fashion so I thought I’d add a feature about the new Tokyolux designs me and Audrey have been working on.. as you can see it’s right up our alley. Cute kittens meet gothic lolita and rainbow hair. What do you think? Will you be donning a Rainbow Kitty Cardigan this holiday season? I know I will! ^_~

What’s inspiring you right now?

3 Comments

Event Features Visual Splendor

Sanrio Small Gift Big Smile LA VIP Party

12/12/2010

What are the two most amazing obsessions of mine that were combined perfectly for the Sanrio anniversary events this year? Sanrio characters (duh) at the CARNIVAL. Can you imagine it? It was like a little taste of Harmonyland right here in the states! It was curated by BUBBLEPUNCH and Japan L.A. for Sanrio’s 50th Anniversary POP-UP Tour.

Celebrities in attendance that I saw exploring the Sanrio carnival alongside us were Bridget (Girls Next Door), Tarina Tarantino, Justin Beiber (lol) and HELLO KITTY MAMA. All of your favorite contemporary artists were in attendance as well and so were their Sanrio-inspired masterpieces. Actually there were a lot more wonderful people in attendance but I was so out of it this night that I didn’t get to take everything in as I would have liked to.

Thanks for the photos, LAWEEKLY and Huffington Post.

Upon walking around and eyeing the food trucks (it’s an LA thing) we walked around the carnival and I ran into some more of my sweet online friends Maria of Locketship, Stephanie or Twinkiechan, Yume Ninja and Chubby Bunny. I sadly missed Shrinkle because I left early — we’d planned to meet up again but everything was just too crazy! The pop-up shop had me running around like a maniac, drooling all over the limited goods that you can’t even get in Japan.. it really brought me back to Puroland a teeny, tiny bit!

I got to meet so many of you that I was overwhelmed with happiness and so sad I didn’t take more photo ops! I actually didn’t take ANY… which means I have to wait for the girls to upload their photos before you can even see what I wore, LOL. Oops. I felt like a total failure flaking out at the VIP Event but I was in SO MUCH PAIN you can’t imagine. I couldn’t enjoy myself so I tried to meet all of the friends I could and run around spotting all of the adorable décor.

I also met some of my absolute sweetest friends and co-workers which was the main reason I had decided to go. Hihi Caro whom I work with in design for SWEET STREETS is one of my absolute new favorite people. There are so many genuinely nice people in this world, and there are ALWAYS new friends to meet. (You can never have too many friends! – Hello Kitty) It’s so refreshing to find such positive, motivated and inspired girls to share my love of cuteness with.

The always adorable and sweet Audrey Kitching and I met up for a short time, she had the flu and since I’m only here for the weekend our craft trip was cut way short. After whining to each other about the inconvenience of our schedules this weekend she gave me a present filled with Tokyolux goodies from the new line we worked on and we hugged in relief to finally be together after everything we have been going through side by side.

I would have to say the night was a complete success although I still regret not getting a red carpet photo with adorable Maria due to my anxiety and rushing around.. and I never have regrets! Maria is a really sweet girl and her jewelry (Locketship!) is as sweet as she is.

After I could no longer stand it I got a cab home alone and proceeded to experience the most horrifying night of my life (ha!). If I told you.. (which I will in another article) and you probably wouldn’t even believe me. One of those nights where everything that could go wrong went horribly wrong. I was so frazzled by the end of the night that I immediately passed out on Kimi’s (Kimikat of Rainbowlicious) couch with her cat Pekoe curled up next to my feet.

3 Comments

tokyolux

My 2020 Resolutions:

Happy New Year!

Baby’s Indy

Preorders for the first design are here. Stay tuned.

Family

Friends

Iced-Coffee

Work

Balcony

What’s inspiring you right now?